1 00:00:21,750 --> 00:00:24,750 Tommy, hurry up, you're gonna be late for school again! 2 00:00:46,050 --> 00:00:47,950 Son of a... 3 00:00:57,450 --> 00:01:02,150 TOMMY BOY 4 00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:06,750 Damn! 5 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:24,750 Nice doggy, nice doggy! 6 00:01:27,750 --> 00:01:29,750 Holy shnikees! 7 00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:36,749 Late again Tommy? 8 00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:39,550 - You're pathetic. - Shut up, Richard! 9 00:01:43,350 --> 00:01:45,250 Hurry up Tommy, hurry up! 10 00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:56,750 Damn! 11 00:02:26,850 --> 00:02:29,150 Hi. How are you? 12 00:02:48,650 --> 00:02:52,850 Oh, man! No, please, God, no! 13 00:02:52,851 --> 00:02:54,650 Son of a... 14 00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:42,450 Sorry. Excuse me. Pard me. 15 00:03:42,550 --> 00:03:44,350 Can I Just check this, uh. 16 00:03:44,351 --> 00:03:50,749 D ? Oh my God! I passed! 17 00:03:50,750 --> 00:03:54,299 I passed! Oh, man I got a D ! 18 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:57,849 I'm gonna graduate! 19 00:03:57,850 --> 00:04:02,450 I wish that we'd known each other. This is a little awkward. 20 00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:04,650 I'm gonna graduate! 21 00:04:04,651 --> 00:04:06,450 D ! 22 00:04:16,350 --> 00:04:19,750 Hey guys, do I look different now that I'm a college grad? 23 00:04:19,751 --> 00:04:21,550 Not really. 24 00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:26,649 Apparently they give a lot fewer D 's than D-'s. 25 00:04:26,650 --> 00:04:29,450 It's not a grade they like to give out, I'll tell ya that right now. 26 00:04:29,451 --> 00:04:31,049 Yeah, you mentioned that. 27 00:04:31,050 --> 00:04:33,150 So, that's it for school, uh? Now what? 28 00:04:33,151 --> 00:04:34,649 No idea. 29 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:38,750 Well, for now I'll probably go back and work in my dad's loading dock like always. 30 00:04:38,751 --> 00:04:40,949 And after that, figure it out. 31 00:04:40,950 --> 00:04:43,450 I'm gonna miss you man. You're the best. 32 00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:46,549 Uh-uh, you are the best. 33 00:04:46,550 --> 00:04:51,150 I love all you guys. Specially you. 34 00:04:56,150 --> 00:04:57,449 I'm gonna make a toast. 35 00:04:57,450 --> 00:05:00,050 To the best bunch of rugby freaks ever born. 36 00:05:00,051 --> 00:05:00,749 Yes sir. 37 00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:03,449 Maybe we weren't the smartest guys on campus. 38 00:05:03,450 --> 00:05:05,750 Maybe we spent too much time puking off balconies. 39 00:05:06,650 --> 00:05:09,550 - But we had fun, huh? - Yeah! 40 00:05:13,150 --> 00:05:16,150 Now, some of us are leaving, and that is sad. 41 00:05:16,151 --> 00:05:18,749 But this isn't the end. No way. 42 00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:21,750 We're gonna show this world a thing or two. We're gonna show... 43 00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:41,749 - Richard Hayden? - Tommy. 44 00:05:41,750 --> 00:05:44,400 So where's my dad? I thought he was gonna meet me at the airport. 45 00:05:44,401 --> 00:05:47,050 He was at the airport this morning, but you weren't on the plane. 46 00:05:47,051 --> 00:05:49,349 He said he had a surprise for me. 47 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,949 Maybe. I guess you should have called. 48 00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:54,600 I did call, earlier, when... using the phone. 49 00:05:54,601 --> 00:05:58,249 - Earlier? When was that? - Er... later... 50 00:05:58,250 --> 00:05:59,649 When, when... then... I... huh.., I left a message. 51 00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:01,049 A message? What number did you call? 52 00:06:01,050 --> 00:06:07,749 - 249...5...678... 53 00:06:07,750 --> 00:06:11,050 I can't hear you. You're trailing off. And did I catch a "niner" in there? 54 00:06:11,051 --> 00:06:12,950 What Were you calling from, a walkie-talkie? 55 00:06:12,951 --> 00:06:14,649 No, it was cordless. 56 00:06:14,650 --> 00:06:17,250 You know what? Don't. Not here, not now. 57 00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:19,749 Did you hear I finally graduated? 58 00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:22,549 Yeah. And just a shade under a decade too. All right. 59 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,650 You know, a lot of people go to college for 7 years. 60 00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:26,750 I know. They're called doctors. 61 00:06:26,751 --> 00:06:29,450 Oh, that has to be you. 62 00:06:32,451 --> 00:06:34,451 Spray that thing for bugs? 63 00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,450 Hey, what happened to the tire plant? 64 00:06:59,451 --> 00:07:01,049 They shut it down last month. 65 00:07:01,050 --> 00:07:03,750 Would you mind not eating in the car? It's kind of a rule. 66 00:07:03,751 --> 00:07:06,749 - You still got your GTX car, huh? - Yes. 67 00:07:06,750 --> 00:07:09,849 And I dropped in a 440 Magnum with a six-pack. 68 00:07:09,850 --> 00:07:12,649 You hang on to a car this cherry, kinda' like your suitcase. 69 00:07:12,650 --> 00:07:17,450 Kinda' like your suitcase... Hey, what's new with the old gang from high-school? 70 00:07:17,451 --> 00:07:20,450 I don't know Tommy. I didn't really like the old gang from high-school. 71 00:07:21,850 --> 00:07:24,050 - Hey, the muffler plant's gone too. - Yes. 72 00:07:24,850 --> 00:07:28,800 Come on! Dammit. 73 00:07:28,801 --> 00:07:32,750 That sounds good. Melted chocolate inside the dash. 74 00:07:32,751 --> 00:07:34,549 That really ups the resale value. 75 00:07:34,550 --> 00:07:37,100 I think you're gonna be ok here. They have a thin candy shell. 76 00:07:37,101 --> 00:07:39,650 'Surprised you didn't know that. 77 00:07:39,651 --> 00:07:42,850 I think your brain is a thick candy shell. 78 00:07:42,851 --> 00:07:46,050 Your brain has the shell on it. 79 00:07:46,051 --> 00:07:48,450 - Are you talking? - Shut up, Richard! 80 00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:03,800 Ron, don't tell me the bank thinks we need to wait it out. 81 00:08:03,801 --> 00:08:07,350 Any business that tries to wait it out will be just that, out. 82 00:08:07,351 --> 00:08:10,150 In auto-parts, you're either growing our you're dying. 83 00:08:10,151 --> 00:08:11,549 There ain't no third direction. 84 00:08:11,550 --> 00:08:14,650 Tom, you're talking about a huge loan. Maybe instead of borrowing, 85 00:08:14,651 --> 00:08:16,749 you should take on a partner. 86 00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:20,050 This always has and always will be a family firm. 87 00:08:20,950 --> 00:08:23,049 My grandfather founded it in '21, 88 00:08:23,050 --> 00:08:25,250 my father kept it running during the depression, 89 00:08:25,251 --> 00:08:27,450 my aunt Ilenne, ran it when he went away to war 90 00:08:27,451 --> 00:08:29,050 and someday my son will run it. 91 00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:31,550 - Hi dad. - Tommy! 92 00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:43,850 Am I proud of you. Mister big time, college grad, huh? 93 00:08:43,851 --> 00:08:45,349 Thanks dad. 94 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:48,850 - You're looking great kid. - Thanks Mr. Rittenhauer. 95 00:08:48,851 --> 00:08:50,149 Oh, how you doin' Mr. Reilly? 96 00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:54,750 Real good. I had a kidney removed last April, but I still have the other one. 97 00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:57,149 You remember Mr. Gilmore from the bank? 98 00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:58,950 - Yeah. Nice to see you again sir. - How are you? 99 00:08:58,951 --> 00:09:00,749 Listen, why don't you come out on the floor with us? 100 00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:03,450 Mr. Gilmore needs reminding of why he does business with us. 101 00:09:03,451 --> 00:09:04,849 Richard, could you huh... 102 00:09:04,850 --> 00:09:06,749 Run these figures by accounting. No problem. 103 00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:10,250 My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators. 104 00:09:10,251 --> 00:09:13,450 We should have something for you... by this afternoon. 105 00:09:14,450 --> 00:09:18,750 Hard hats, gentlemen. If you get hit in the head without wearing one of these, 106 00:09:18,751 --> 00:09:21,250 they scoop your brains up with a goddamned soup ladle. 107 00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:26,550 Hey, look alive! Low bridge! 108 00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:30,150 Son of a... 109 00:09:31,550 --> 00:09:33,250 - You all right, Tommy? - Yeah... 110 00:09:33,251 --> 00:09:34,949 - What happened? - Nothing. 111 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:38,150 - Danny! How's that new son-in-law? - He's a real pain in the butt. 112 00:09:38,151 --> 00:09:42,250 Hey Tommy, you're back! Way to go on that D ! 113 00:09:42,251 --> 00:09:44,450 Thanks, Danny. Looking good man. 114 00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:52,449 - Hey, Tommy! - Hey man! How you doing? 115 00:09:52,450 --> 00:09:55,250 Hey how are you. Good to see ya, how you doin'? 116 00:09:56,650 --> 00:09:59,150 - Hey, Sammy! - Tommy! Welcome home buddy. 117 00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:03,649 Hang in there, Ron. We're almost there. 118 00:10:03,650 --> 00:10:06,550 Lou, I got some papers I want you to sign in the office. 119 00:10:06,551 --> 00:10:09,349 - Hey, Tommy! - What are you doing on the floor? 120 00:10:09,350 --> 00:10:12,350 Yeah, I was going crazy on the loading docks, so your dad moved me in here. 121 00:10:12,351 --> 00:10:14,349 - Hey, what is this thing? - It's a buffer. 122 00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:17,150 I take oil filters that need smoothing and give 'em a quick zap. 123 00:10:17,151 --> 00:10:18,449 Cool! 124 00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:20,950 - Can I try one? - Help yourself. 125 00:10:27,950 --> 00:10:30,049 Nice distance. 126 00:10:30,050 --> 00:10:33,050 - Tommy! Come on! Let's go! - Yes, sir. See ya. 127 00:10:34,850 --> 00:10:40,850 Here she is, Ron. My dream. This, my friend, is our new brake pad division. 128 00:10:40,851 --> 00:10:43,549 And the future of "Callahan Auto". 129 00:10:43,550 --> 00:10:46,249 - Quite a sight, Tom. - This is awesome. 130 00:10:46,250 --> 00:10:49,350 You say these brake pads are gonna revolutionize the industry? 131 00:10:49,351 --> 00:10:51,449 Composed of high grade steel and graphite. 132 00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:53,800 They're the goddamned Rolls Royce of brake pads. That's what they are. 133 00:10:53,801 --> 00:10:56,150 I get tears off my eyes just thinking about it. 134 00:11:03,150 --> 00:11:05,449 You coming awful fast, how do you do it? 135 00:11:05,450 --> 00:11:08,550 I need fresh capital for material, for new work force 136 00:11:08,551 --> 00:11:10,349 before I can turn these machines on. 137 00:11:10,350 --> 00:11:13,350 Look out! I got cat- like speed and reflexes. 138 00:11:14,450 --> 00:11:17,500 In 23 years, have I ever said no to you, huh? 139 00:11:17,501 --> 00:11:20,550 Why say "no" when it feels so good to say "yes"? 140 00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:35,750 I was checking the, ah, specs on the end line, for the rotary girder... 141 00:11:35,751 --> 00:11:39,550 - I'm retarded... - Okay, Tom. Let's go! 142 00:11:39,551 --> 00:11:40,850 Yes, sir. 143 00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:46,350 Okay, left. 144 00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:49,149 Can I open my eyes now dad? 145 00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:51,750 I never told you you had to close them in the first place, son. 146 00:11:51,751 --> 00:11:53,250 Yeah, go ahead! Open 'em up. 147 00:11:54,350 --> 00:11:55,449 That's my name! 148 00:11:55,450 --> 00:11:59,249 Yeah, and that's your new office now, college grad. Go on in there! 149 00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:03,150 Awesome! Hey, there's even a fridge! 150 00:12:03,151 --> 00:12:07,050 This is great... you can put six-packs of be- 151 00:12:07,051 --> 00:12:10,149 Soda in here. Milk, yoghurt. 152 00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:12,100 You can put candy bars in the freezer. 153 00:12:12,101 --> 00:12:14,049 Anything that you wanna keep cool. 154 00:12:14,050 --> 00:12:17,250 Mr. Callahan, I need your John Hancock on these reports. 155 00:12:17,251 --> 00:12:21,049 John Hancock... It's Herbie Hancock. 156 00:12:21,050 --> 00:12:25,000 - Richard, check out my new office! - You've a window. 157 00:12:25,001 --> 00:12:28,950 And why shouldn't you? You've been here 10 minutes. 158 00:12:28,951 --> 00:12:31,750 Now look son, these are our new catalogues. 159 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,349 Get to know them, they're important. 160 00:12:33,350 --> 00:12:37,950 Richard, you promise me you're gonna look after Tommy here 'til he gets his feet wet. 161 00:12:37,951 --> 00:12:40,549 Sure. And thanks for choosing me. 162 00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:42,750 Now don't forget, we're going home early today. 163 00:12:42,751 --> 00:12:44,950 I got another surprise for you. 164 00:12:44,951 --> 00:12:46,750 Cool! Thanks, dad. 165 00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:53,150 It's called reading. Top to bottom, left to right. 166 00:12:53,151 --> 00:12:55,149 Group words together as a sentence. 167 00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:58,050 Take Tylenol for any headaches. Midol for any cramps. 168 00:12:58,051 --> 00:12:59,850 Shut up! 169 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,149 Can I open my eyes now dad? 170 00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:41,250 For God's sake son, will you quit covering your damned eyes? 171 00:13:42,350 --> 00:13:44,550 Holy shnikees! 172 00:13:52,350 --> 00:13:56,150 - Is that for me? - No, son, that's for me. 173 00:13:58,350 --> 00:14:01,249 Dad, she's like a ten. 174 00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:04,550 Hi, honey. This must be Tommy. 175 00:14:04,551 --> 00:14:07,849 - Are you Tommy? - I'm Tommy. 176 00:14:07,850 --> 00:14:11,050 I'm Beverly, and you're just adorable. 177 00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,749 Nah... 178 00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:16,500 Son, I got an announcement to make. 179 00:14:16,501 --> 00:14:20,250 Tom, I've asked Beverly to be my wife. 180 00:14:20,251 --> 00:14:23,050 Wow, man! 181 00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:29,750 What did she say? 182 00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:35,150 It's so cool that you're getting married Saturday. So where did you guys meet? 183 00:14:35,151 --> 00:14:36,949 Here you go, sweetie. 184 00:14:36,950 --> 00:14:40,149 We met at the fat farm spa resort thing. 185 00:14:40,150 --> 00:14:43,950 Beverly was one of the trainers. In fact she was the only one of the trainers 186 00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:46,550 I didn't wanna plant six feet under a lettuce patch. 187 00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:52,449 Wait 'til you hear this! She's got a son. He worked at the spa too. 188 00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:54,350 I met him. He's a terrific guy. You're really gonna like him. 189 00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:56,250 He's coming here today, for the wedding. 190 00:14:56,251 --> 00:15:01,750 Tommy, it sounds funny saying this, but my son is going to be your new brother. 191 00:15:01,751 --> 00:15:07,250 Brother? I'm gonna have a brother? I've always dreamed about having a brother. 192 00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:10,150 Speak of the devil. 193 00:15:10,151 --> 00:15:11,850 A brother! 194 00:15:16,150 --> 00:15:18,949 - Brother? - I'm Paul, you must be Tommy. 195 00:15:18,950 --> 00:15:22,950 Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug. 196 00:15:37,050 --> 00:15:40,750 I can't believe I have a whole new family. This is awesome! 197 00:15:40,751 --> 00:15:42,549 Yeah. Great. 198 00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:46,350 No offense, but if I showed a picture of your mom to some of my buddies at school 199 00:15:46,351 --> 00:15:49,550 she'd definitely be boner of the month. 200 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,549 I'm honoured. 201 00:15:52,550 --> 00:15:55,050 So is there anything to do in this town besides eat? 202 00:15:55,051 --> 00:15:58,949 Tons of stuff. Late night pitch and putt. 203 00:15:58,950 --> 00:16:01,650 We go to the livestock auction and cruise the 4-H babes. 204 00:16:01,651 --> 00:16:04,349 Throw stuff off the bridge. What do you feel like doing? 205 00:16:04,350 --> 00:16:07,300 I don't know. Something a little more dangerous. 206 00:16:07,301 --> 00:16:10,250 Sure. All you can handle bro. 207 00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:26,449 Look at 'em there! Pretty maids all in a row. 208 00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:30,550 I want the one on the left. She's perfect. Which one d'you want? 209 00:16:36,650 --> 00:16:39,149 - Does it make a difference? - Oh, yeah. 210 00:16:39,150 --> 00:16:43,150 - Wait a second. Is this your first time? - Yeah, Tommy, it is. 211 00:16:44,650 --> 00:16:47,600 You're gonna remember this the rest of your life. 212 00:16:47,601 --> 00:16:50,550 Can't believe you've never been cow tipping before. 213 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:53,050 Get ready to live! 214 00:16:54,950 --> 00:16:59,850 She's sleeping. What you do is put your shoulder into her and you push. 215 00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:03,750 - And? - They fall over. 216 00:17:05,950 --> 00:17:09,149 And this doesn't strike you as kinda' dumb? 217 00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:12,150 We're family. We're gonna be doing lots of dumb stuff together. 218 00:17:12,151 --> 00:17:13,750 Wait 'til Christmas. 219 00:17:14,850 --> 00:17:16,549 You keep your feet shoulder-width apart. 220 00:17:16,550 --> 00:17:19,750 Stay between the udder and the hock, it's a... 221 00:17:19,751 --> 00:17:23,450 32 belly option on 2-1-2. Ready! Hut! 222 00:17:29,250 --> 00:17:31,149 Holy Shnikees! 223 00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:33,150 Hey, get off my property! 224 00:17:33,151 --> 00:17:35,150 Run for it! 225 00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:43,850 - I'll save you brother! - I'm ok. Get away from me! 226 00:17:43,851 --> 00:17:44,849 Get up! 227 00:17:44,850 --> 00:17:47,350 - Come on! - I love you. 228 00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,849 Hey, get me! My turn! Over here! 229 00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:55,249 These shoes are Italian. They're worth more than your life. 230 00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:58,400 Man! Did I get dooshed with mud! 231 00:17:58,401 --> 00:18:01,550 Hey Chucko, that doesn't smell like mud. 232 00:18:02,150 --> 00:18:04,850 Oh, man, that's cold! 233 00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:07,549 I'm a maniac. Maniac... 234 00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:13,750 ... on the floor. And I'm dancing like I never danced before. 235 00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:18,650 Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid? 236 00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:20,950 Why? 237 00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:42,250 - Mornin', Richard. - Hi. 238 00:18:52,550 --> 00:18:56,150 Luke, I am your father. 239 00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:05,250 I've interrupted "happy time". Look, your father wants 240 00:19:05,251 --> 00:19:07,450 you to check out the delay problems we're having 241 00:19:07,451 --> 00:19:11,250 at the loading dock. Now, I know you'd love to just sit there and keep being... 242 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,950 not slim, but we gotta work a little today, okay. 243 00:19:13,951 --> 00:19:16,550 - That was from Star Wars". - I know. 244 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,549 R.T. I think I figured out the problem. 245 00:19:26,550 --> 00:19:29,600 This order's going to Columbus. That's a one day delivery, 246 00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:32,650 but you've got it marked down for two. 247 00:19:32,651 --> 00:19:37,650 That's because it's going to Columbus, Georgia, not Columbus, Ohio. 248 00:19:37,651 --> 00:19:41,949 You see these letters by the city? That's called a state. 249 00:19:41,950 --> 00:19:47,350 - What else you got, Wonder Boy? - That's pretty much it for now. 250 00:19:47,351 --> 00:19:52,750 Tommy, maybe you should go back to college for another 7 years 251 00:19:52,751 --> 00:19:54,250 and study a globe. 252 00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:57,449 Tommy Callahan? 253 00:19:57,450 --> 00:20:00,750 Michelle Brock. Chaparrall High. Remember? 254 00:20:00,751 --> 00:20:04,650 Yeah, I remember! I sat next to you in History. 255 00:20:04,651 --> 00:20:08,550 You work here? It's so bizarre that you work here. 256 00:20:08,551 --> 00:20:11,649 Come on in! Oh, and forget about R.T.! 257 00:20:11,650 --> 00:20:14,150 He's pissed off 'cause he recently found out what a loser he is. 258 00:20:14,151 --> 00:20:16,650 A loser he is! 259 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:22,250 Nice. How come you don't put the files in the file cabinets? 260 00:20:22,251 --> 00:20:23,949 I don't like file cabinets. 261 00:20:23,950 --> 00:20:25,549 - Why not? - You have to open them. 262 00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:27,450 I've got my own system. Hasn't failed me yet. 263 00:20:27,451 --> 00:20:29,349 All the shipping orders go through me, 264 00:20:29,350 --> 00:20:32,650 which means I spend about half of my pathetically anal life in here. 265 00:20:32,651 --> 00:20:34,649 So if I couldn't do things my own way, 266 00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,650 I'd probably freak out and blow up the whole town. 267 00:20:36,651 --> 00:20:38,449 Cool! 268 00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:42,749 Hey, remember your brother, Duane? Whatever happened to him? 269 00:20:42,750 --> 00:20:46,450 We used to go to "Safeway" all the time and get caught trying to steal doughnuts. 270 00:20:46,451 --> 00:20:49,750 He's a cop. He had to get a real job when my parents 271 00:20:49,751 --> 00:20:51,650 moved to Cuyahoga Falls. 272 00:20:56,450 --> 00:20:58,949 - Want one? - I'd better not. 273 00:20:58,950 --> 00:21:02,750 I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem. 274 00:21:02,751 --> 00:21:06,000 I used to grab bear claws as a kid, two at a time 275 00:21:06,001 --> 00:21:09,250 and I'd get 'em lodged right in this region here. 276 00:21:09,251 --> 00:21:11,950 - How about some coffee? - I'd love some. 277 00:21:19,050 --> 00:21:22,850 - Man, I bet half the town's here. - Yeah... 278 00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:27,750 - You look great dad. - You look good too, Tommy Boy. 279 00:21:30,150 --> 00:21:35,150 Listen, this marriage thing, I know it's a big step... but you know... 280 00:21:35,151 --> 00:21:36,950 Ever since your mom died... 281 00:21:43,450 --> 00:21:47,450 Something about getting old and being alone. 282 00:21:49,050 --> 00:21:50,550 You know... it's something... 283 00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:57,750 Dad... It's cool, you know. 284 00:21:57,751 --> 00:22:01,250 I just want you to be happy. 285 00:22:02,550 --> 00:22:04,750 Yeah, I know you do. And I am, kid! 286 00:22:04,751 --> 00:22:06,450 I am, Tommy boy. 287 00:22:07,450 --> 00:22:10,950 - They're ready for you sir. - Good. We're ready too. 288 00:22:12,550 --> 00:22:15,450 - How do we look? - Chubby? 289 00:22:19,550 --> 00:22:21,650 I think that's the champagne talking. 290 00:22:25,450 --> 00:22:28,000 And so these vows are held sacred from 291 00:22:28,001 --> 00:22:30,549 now until eternity. If there's any person 292 00:22:30,550 --> 00:22:33,850 who finds a reason these two should not be wed, 293 00:22:33,851 --> 00:22:36,850 speak now or forever hold your peace. 294 00:22:36,851 --> 00:22:38,850 You kiddin'? Go get her, Tom! 295 00:22:40,850 --> 00:22:45,250 Now by the power invested in me by the state of Ohio, 296 00:22:45,251 --> 00:22:49,650 I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride. 297 00:23:12,750 --> 00:23:14,849 Say something for the bride and groom! 298 00:23:14,850 --> 00:23:18,749 Hey dad and Beverly, this is Michelle Brock, the prettiest gal in Sandusky. 299 00:23:18,750 --> 00:23:22,050 - Michelle, say a little something into the camera! - A little something into the camera. 300 00:23:23,450 --> 00:23:27,500 Sounds good, Tom, but I'd like to take a look at your operation before I commit. 301 00:23:27,501 --> 00:23:31,550 Fair enough, Doug. 'Course I can get a hell of a good look at a t-bone steak 302 00:23:31,551 --> 00:23:33,349 by sticking my head up a bulls ass, 303 00:23:33,350 --> 00:23:35,150 but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it. 304 00:23:36,250 --> 00:23:38,349 Bull's ass, that's great. 305 00:23:38,350 --> 00:23:40,149 And you guarantee everything you sell? 306 00:23:40,150 --> 00:23:43,850 You know I could guarantee you all day long, but we both know a guarantee is 307 00:23:43,851 --> 00:23:45,950 only as good as the man who writes it. 308 00:23:46,950 --> 00:23:49,850 Sounds good, Tom. I'll send the contract next week. 309 00:23:49,851 --> 00:23:51,149 Good man! 310 00:23:51,150 --> 00:23:52,449 You're still the best, Tom. 311 00:23:52,450 --> 00:23:55,250 Eight whisky-sours and I still sell the son of a bitch. Damn I'm good. 312 00:23:56,750 --> 00:23:59,649 I just wanna tell you you really look dynamite today, Beverly. 313 00:23:59,650 --> 00:24:03,650 Yeah, Tom, you're a lucky man. Boy, would I like to get some of that! 314 00:24:03,651 --> 00:24:04,950 Good Lord! 315 00:24:06,050 --> 00:24:09,850 Oh no! Listen, Richard, you got a edit button on that thing? 316 00:24:09,851 --> 00:24:12,600 - It'll cost ya. - Come here, you little prick! 317 00:24:12,601 --> 00:24:15,350 All right, all right, hold it a second folks! 318 00:24:15,351 --> 00:24:17,649 Wait a minute... Yeah, yeah, workin'. 319 00:24:17,650 --> 00:24:20,650 Listen, I wanna thank you all for coming today 320 00:24:20,651 --> 00:24:23,649 to welcome two new Callahans to the family. 321 00:24:23,650 --> 00:24:26,800 My beautiful wife, Beverly and my new son, Paul. 322 00:24:26,801 --> 00:24:29,950 I feel like I'm the luckiest man in the world today. 323 00:24:31,250 --> 00:24:32,949 Hit it! 324 00:24:32,950 --> 00:24:37,650 And right now I'm gonna need you, Tommy boy, to get this place going. 325 00:24:37,651 --> 00:24:40,450 - Oh, for me dad? - Yeah, you Tommy boy. 326 00:24:40,451 --> 00:24:43,550 Dad, I really don't think... Okay. 327 00:24:44,450 --> 00:24:47,850 First rocker, take it, Tommy boy! 328 00:24:54,350 --> 00:24:56,750 That's right, Tommy boy! 329 00:25:04,250 --> 00:25:05,850 Shake the rock to me! 330 00:25:10,150 --> 00:25:12,350 That's right, dad! 331 00:25:49,050 --> 00:25:49,949 Dad? 332 00:25:49,950 --> 00:25:52,350 Somebody call 911! 333 00:26:07,050 --> 00:26:09,900 There's not much more we can say, really. 334 00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:12,750 We've lost someone we love, and it hurts. 335 00:26:12,751 --> 00:26:16,100 Even though Tom is gone, 336 00:26:16,101 --> 00:26:19,450 he'll remain in our lives for ever. 337 00:26:19,451 --> 00:26:22,800 comforting us, making us laugh... 338 00:26:22,801 --> 00:26:26,150 and marching over us. 339 00:27:42,850 --> 00:27:44,549 My dad gave me this boat. 340 00:27:44,550 --> 00:27:48,049 We'd come out here late at night, when there's no one else in the lake 341 00:27:48,050 --> 00:27:51,050 and then he'd be over there, on the shore, and he'd yell: 342 00:27:51,051 --> 00:27:54,050 "Quit playing with your dingie!" 343 00:27:58,150 --> 00:28:00,050 I'm gonna really miss him. 344 00:28:04,550 --> 00:28:07,450 - Your father was a great guy. - Yeah. 345 00:28:13,350 --> 00:28:15,549 I'm really glad you brought me out here. 346 00:28:15,550 --> 00:28:19,950 Can't believe you wanted to. Although it's pretty fun. 347 00:28:19,951 --> 00:28:22,049 If we had some wind... 348 00:28:22,050 --> 00:28:24,800 I can't believe there's no wind. 349 00:28:24,801 --> 00:28:27,325 You need wind... cause it, uh- 350 00:28:27,326 --> 00:28:29,850 - Helps push the sail. - Yeah. 351 00:28:32,550 --> 00:28:35,500 So, what are you gonna do now? 352 00:28:35,501 --> 00:28:38,450 I don't know. 353 00:28:39,650 --> 00:28:43,950 But, I gotta do something. I don't know what. 354 00:28:43,951 --> 00:28:48,449 - Man, do I sound like an idiot? - No. 355 00:28:48,450 --> 00:28:52,750 Sorry about this wind. I can't believe there isn't any wind out here. 356 00:28:52,751 --> 00:28:59,050 - This is ridiculous. - No, it's great. It's very peaceful. 357 00:29:00,550 --> 00:29:03,850 Hey tub-o! You ain't moving! 358 00:29:03,851 --> 00:29:07,149 Yeah, need a little wind here! 359 00:29:07,150 --> 00:29:11,350 No. You need to drop a couple 100 pounds, blimp! 360 00:29:12,350 --> 00:29:14,249 Rascals. 361 00:29:14,250 --> 00:29:16,850 I guess that's your theory. 362 00:29:18,150 --> 00:29:20,850 So, we'll see what happens tomorrow. 363 00:29:20,851 --> 00:29:23,549 Hey, your sail is limp, like your dick! 364 00:29:23,550 --> 00:29:26,550 Watch your language in front of the lady, punk! 365 00:29:26,551 --> 00:29:29,349 Geez! You were saying? 366 00:29:29,350 --> 00:29:31,949 Hey, Gilligan, did you eat the Skipper? 367 00:29:31,950 --> 00:29:38,150 You kids better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up, 368 00:29:38,151 --> 00:29:42,050 cause I'll come over there and shove an oar up your ass! 369 00:29:44,850 --> 00:29:48,650 Eapers creepers, those guys keep interrupting us. I'm sorry about that. 370 00:29:48,651 --> 00:29:50,649 You were saying about the uh... 371 00:29:50,650 --> 00:29:54,250 Hey lady, look out! There's a fat whale on your boat! 372 00:29:54,251 --> 00:29:56,450 Yeah. Free Willy! 373 00:29:57,150 --> 00:30:00,300 Listen up you little spazoids, I know where you live and 374 00:30:00,301 --> 00:30:03,449 I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy 375 00:30:03,450 --> 00:30:05,850 that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you! 376 00:30:18,750 --> 00:30:21,950 I was just kidding. I've no idea where they live. 377 00:30:22,950 --> 00:30:24,850 That was awesome! 378 00:30:30,650 --> 00:30:33,049 Ladies and gentlemen, we're in real trouble. 379 00:30:33,050 --> 00:30:36,850 Zalinsky Industries has an offer on the table to buy us out. 380 00:30:36,851 --> 00:30:40,250 But as you realize "Callahan" has been family owned 381 00:30:40,251 --> 00:30:43,650 since Tommy's great grandfather laid the first brick 382 00:30:43,651 --> 00:30:47,050 And I'll be damned if that's gonna change on my watch. 383 00:30:47,051 --> 00:30:49,049 Frank, if we sell while our value's still high, 384 00:30:49,050 --> 00:30:52,050 everyone who owns stock in this company stands to make a lot of money. 385 00:30:52,051 --> 00:30:54,449 That of course includes you, Mrs. Callahan, 386 00:30:54,450 --> 00:30:56,849 Now that you and Tommy are the primary shareholders. 387 00:30:56,850 --> 00:31:00,050 It seems vulgar to think about money at a time like this. 388 00:31:00,051 --> 00:31:02,149 I don't wanna hear the word "sell" again. 389 00:31:02,150 --> 00:31:05,250 But Ron, we do need that loan to keep us afloat 390 00:31:05,251 --> 00:31:06,849 until we figure things out. 391 00:31:06,850 --> 00:31:10,150 I'm sorry, Frank, we can't do it. Tom got in way over his head when he 392 00:31:10,151 --> 00:31:11,649 built the new brake pad division. 393 00:31:11,650 --> 00:31:13,849 The bank just can't take any chance in putting up any more money. 394 00:31:13,850 --> 00:31:18,450 Now, let's face it, when big Tom died, "Callahan Auto" may have died with him. 395 00:31:18,451 --> 00:31:21,350 If this factory goes under, the whole town goes under. 396 00:31:21,351 --> 00:31:23,650 And that's when the whores come in. 397 00:31:25,150 --> 00:31:26,349 Excuse me, what was that? 398 00:31:26,350 --> 00:31:30,950 Men laying their trick-money down. 20 dollars to pay the rent? 399 00:31:30,951 --> 00:31:33,249 Maybe instead I'll spend it on the whore. 400 00:31:33,250 --> 00:31:35,450 Frank, I really don't think we have any choice. 401 00:31:35,451 --> 00:31:37,750 Maybe I can help. 402 00:31:38,750 --> 00:31:42,049 I give you everything I've got: my house, the stock. 403 00:31:42,050 --> 00:31:45,650 If I give you that stuff, it's collateral, then would you give us that loan? 404 00:31:47,250 --> 00:31:49,049 Yes, I suppose so. 405 00:31:49,050 --> 00:31:53,150 Wait a second! What are you saying, Tommy? You just wanna hand over your inheritance? 406 00:31:53,151 --> 00:31:55,849 Right. If it'll help get the brake pads going. 407 00:31:55,850 --> 00:31:58,650 My dad said the new pads were the future of "Callahan". 408 00:31:58,651 --> 00:32:01,800 But who's going to sell them? 409 00:32:01,801 --> 00:32:04,949 I will. 410 00:32:04,950 --> 00:32:07,949 - I'll go on my dad's sale trip. - I'll be damned! 411 00:32:07,950 --> 00:32:12,050 Whores running around doing their little behind shake for the men folk. 412 00:32:12,051 --> 00:32:13,249 I kinda like her idea. 413 00:32:13,250 --> 00:32:17,150 For Christ's sake, once during the war I visited a prostitute, 414 00:32:17,151 --> 00:32:19,549 and my life has been a living hell eversince. 415 00:32:19,550 --> 00:32:24,150 Hold on a minute! Do we really wanna put the future of the company in Tommy's hands? 416 00:32:24,151 --> 00:32:26,449 We're running low on options here, Ted. 417 00:32:26,450 --> 00:32:29,050 I can hold out Zalinsky for a couple of weeks. 418 00:32:29,051 --> 00:32:30,449 What have we got to lose? 419 00:32:30,450 --> 00:32:32,249 How about the jobs of 300 people? 420 00:32:32,250 --> 00:32:35,350 No offense, Tommy, but you don't know the first thing about brake pads. 421 00:32:35,351 --> 00:32:39,450 Hey, I know I'm not probably the answer you guys are looking for, 422 00:32:39,451 --> 00:32:42,549 but I feel I gotta do something. 423 00:32:42,550 --> 00:32:47,950 You're right. I don't know much about this stuff, but he does. 424 00:32:47,951 --> 00:32:49,149 Oh, no! 425 00:32:49,150 --> 00:32:52,150 That's right. Richard knows more about brake pads than anyone in here. 426 00:32:52,151 --> 00:32:54,749 And since you were my dad's right-hand man, 427 00:32:54,750 --> 00:32:58,450 I see you have the rest of the year pretty much wide open. 428 00:32:58,451 --> 00:33:00,349 Time out! Bad idea. 429 00:33:00,350 --> 00:33:02,850 I don't think anyone could help Baby Huey out there on the road. 430 00:33:02,851 --> 00:33:04,450 You have a better suggestion? 431 00:33:18,650 --> 00:33:21,350 I can actually hear you're getting fatter. 432 00:33:23,150 --> 00:33:25,250 What did I say about eating in the car, anyways? 433 00:33:25,251 --> 00:33:27,350 That it's not good cause it spoils your dinner? 434 00:33:28,550 --> 00:33:32,650 Hey, Tommy, this is not a vacation for me. And I'm here against my will, 435 00:33:32,651 --> 00:33:34,850 so the least you can do is pretend to work. 436 00:33:34,851 --> 00:33:36,749 Ok? Now let's review! 437 00:33:36,750 --> 00:33:39,700 Okay, you're right. Review time. Let's do it up! Feed me! 438 00:33:39,701 --> 00:33:42,650 First, what are the three grades of Callahan Brake pads? 439 00:33:42,651 --> 00:33:47,949 Personal, commercial and... agricultural. 440 00:33:47,950 --> 00:33:51,050 And what is our carrying charge for all the merchandise in the warehouse? 441 00:33:53,950 --> 00:33:56,149 - One and a... - Half per cent! 442 00:33:56,150 --> 00:33:58,450 I knew that! Why can't I remember it? 443 00:33:58,451 --> 00:34:00,349 Try an association, like, uh: 444 00:34:00,350 --> 00:34:03,250 Let's say the average person uses 10% of their brain. 445 00:34:03,251 --> 00:34:05,949 How much do you use? 1.5%. 446 00:34:05,950 --> 00:34:09,450 The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong resin. 447 00:34:16,750 --> 00:34:19,850 I gotta do this! This's got to be the one! 448 00:34:19,851 --> 00:34:22,950 I gotta do this. It's gotta be me... 449 00:34:25,350 --> 00:34:28,449 - Are you ready? - Yeah. Sorry, I'm ready. 450 00:34:28,450 --> 00:34:31,450 - Hey, does this suit make me look fat? - No, your face does. 451 00:34:31,451 --> 00:34:34,750 Okay, let's check you out! All right. 452 00:34:34,751 --> 00:34:38,049 - That's a clip-on. - Are you sure? 453 00:34:38,050 --> 00:34:41,950 Alright now, it's sales time, remember we don't take no- 454 00:34:41,951 --> 00:34:43,649 - No shit from anyone. - No. 455 00:34:43,650 --> 00:34:46,850 - We don't take no prisoners. - We don't take no for an answer. 456 00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:49,350 Oh yeah. We don't take no for an answer... 457 00:34:56,350 --> 00:34:58,000 - No. - Okey dokey. 458 00:34:58,001 --> 00:34:59,649 - No. - Gotcha. Thanks. 459 00:34:59,650 --> 00:35:02,650 Terrific! Thanks for your time. 460 00:35:02,651 --> 00:35:05,550 Let me say... maybe. 461 00:35:07,450 --> 00:35:11,250 Well then, I'd just like to add that the spectrometer 462 00:35:11,251 --> 00:35:13,249 read-out on the nickel-cadmium alloy mix 463 00:35:13,250 --> 00:35:15,350 indicates a good, rich strobe n' fade, decreasing 464 00:35:15,351 --> 00:35:17,450 incidence of wear to the pressure plate. 465 00:35:17,451 --> 00:35:20,350 - If you could just... - Whoa, little fella, you're not speaking my language. 466 00:35:22,650 --> 00:35:25,400 What my associate is trying to say, 467 00:35:25,401 --> 00:35:28,150 is that our new brake pads are really cool. 468 00:35:28,151 --> 00:35:29,649 You're not even gonna believe it. 469 00:35:29,650 --> 00:35:34,150 Like, let's say you're driving along the road, with your family... 470 00:35:34,151 --> 00:35:35,350 And you're driving along... 471 00:35:36,450 --> 00:35:38,450 And then all of a sudden there's a truck tire 472 00:35:38,451 --> 00:35:40,450 in the middle of the road, and you hit the brakes. 473 00:35:41,250 --> 00:35:42,650 Woah, that was close. 474 00:35:43,550 --> 00:35:47,349 Now let's see what happens when you're driving with "the other guy's brake pads". 475 00:35:47,350 --> 00:35:50,050 You're driving along, you're driving along, 476 00:35:50,051 --> 00:35:52,750 and suddenly your kids are yelling from the back seat. 477 00:35:52,751 --> 00:35:55,950 "I gotta go to the bathroom, daddy!" "Not now, dammit!" 478 00:35:55,951 --> 00:35:59,650 Truck tire! I can't stop! 479 00:36:03,250 --> 00:36:04,550 There's a cliff! 480 00:36:06,550 --> 00:36:11,150 And your family screaming: "Oh my God, we're burning alive!" 481 00:36:11,151 --> 00:36:17,050 No, I can't feel my leg! Here comes the meat-wagon. 482 00:36:17,051 --> 00:36:20,550 And the medic gets out and says: "Oh, my God!" 483 00:36:20,551 --> 00:36:24,050 New guy's in the corner, puking his guts out. 484 00:36:26,550 --> 00:36:29,950 All because you wanna save a couple of extra pennies... and to me, it doesn't- 485 00:36:31,950 --> 00:36:34,450 Get out! Now! 486 00:36:34,451 --> 00:36:36,950 Yes, sir. 487 00:36:39,050 --> 00:36:40,750 - Do you validate? - Now! 488 00:36:56,250 --> 00:36:57,649 She's a quart low. 489 00:36:57,650 --> 00:37:00,400 Oh, yeah? Then guess what, open it back up and put it in! 490 00:37:00,401 --> 00:37:02,875 That's your penance for your puppet show back there. 491 00:37:02,876 --> 00:37:05,349 And while you're at it, fill it up with gas, okay? 492 00:37:05,350 --> 00:37:08,950 I'm gonna ask directions to the next huge embarrassing failure. 493 00:37:08,951 --> 00:37:11,450 You're a huge embarrassing failure. 494 00:37:11,451 --> 00:37:13,950 - What? - Nuthin'. 495 00:37:20,850 --> 00:37:23,350 Hey chief, could you tell me how far it is to Davenport? 496 00:37:24,350 --> 00:37:25,649 22 mi. 497 00:37:25,650 --> 00:37:29,850 - I can't find it on this map. - Well, get yourself a new map. 498 00:37:34,350 --> 00:37:35,950 Son of a... 499 00:38:02,650 --> 00:38:07,650 Well, it's gotta be on the map, Davenport, because you say it's 22mi away. 500 00:38:07,651 --> 00:38:12,049 And you're really smart... Yet it's not on the map. 501 00:38:12,050 --> 00:38:15,150 - I'm picking up your sarcasm. - I'd hope so... 502 00:38:15,151 --> 00:38:17,151 'cause I'm laying it on you pretty thick. 503 00:38:29,250 --> 00:38:31,949 That's a map of Illinois, which we're in. 504 00:38:31,950 --> 00:38:36,650 On the border of Iowa. Which is where Davenport is, 22 mi away. 505 00:38:36,651 --> 00:38:40,250 You're in the wrong state. Get yourself a new map! 506 00:38:42,050 --> 00:38:47,450 That wasn't so hard, was it? How much do I owe your for gas? 507 00:38:47,451 --> 00:38:50,050 - You didn't pump any. - What?! 508 00:38:52,150 --> 00:38:53,949 Why didn't you pump any gas? 509 00:38:53,950 --> 00:38:57,550 They're all out. They only got diesel. Better go to the next station! 510 00:39:07,950 --> 00:39:09,750 What'd you do? 511 00:39:15,850 --> 00:39:20,749 I'd just like to welcome you all to our annual Callahan Employee Night. 512 00:39:20,750 --> 00:39:26,450 I know it doesn't quite feel the same without Big Tom here, but we're still a family. 513 00:39:26,451 --> 00:39:29,150 So let's try and have some fun! 514 00:39:31,050 --> 00:39:35,700 Hey, Mr. Rittenhauer! Is it true Tommy's on the road trying to save this place? 515 00:39:35,701 --> 00:39:40,350 Tommy's out there filling in for his dad until we get things settled here. 516 00:39:40,351 --> 00:39:42,849 Are you kidding? We're all screwed! 517 00:39:42,850 --> 00:39:45,750 That kid's one apple that fell way off the tree. 518 00:39:52,750 --> 00:39:56,950 Mommy, I want a popsicle. 519 00:39:58,250 --> 00:39:59,649 That hurt! 520 00:39:59,650 --> 00:40:01,950 You wanna act like a baby, I'll treat you like one. 521 00:40:04,550 --> 00:40:06,750 Now, if you wanna act like a big boy... 522 00:40:12,750 --> 00:40:14,349 Bad mommy. 523 00:40:14,350 --> 00:40:17,049 Don't call me that, it's creepy. 524 00:40:17,050 --> 00:40:19,449 Come on, this is working out better than we planned. 525 00:40:19,450 --> 00:40:22,350 I thought it'd take a year to bleed him dry in the divorce settlement. 526 00:40:22,351 --> 00:40:24,600 Instead the guy croaks, you own half the company. 527 00:40:24,601 --> 00:40:26,850 Yeah, it's too bad he didn't leave me any cash. 528 00:40:26,851 --> 00:40:28,849 - You talked to the banker? - Yeah. 529 00:40:28,850 --> 00:40:31,550 Unfortunately your stock isn't worth dick until they sell the place. 530 00:40:31,551 --> 00:40:33,950 That moment is rapidly approaching. 531 00:40:37,350 --> 00:40:38,949 Hi, grandpa. 532 00:40:38,950 --> 00:40:42,349 Mr. Rittenhauer, is Tommy, you know, doing okay? 533 00:40:42,350 --> 00:40:46,750 Yeah, sometimes it takes a little time for a salesman to find his style. 534 00:40:48,150 --> 00:40:50,750 - You think he's finding one? - I hope so. 535 00:40:51,650 --> 00:40:53,700 Hold on right there honey. I'll see you Michelle. 536 00:40:53,701 --> 00:40:55,750 See you. 537 00:41:07,750 --> 00:41:11,150 I'm telling you, Paul... the only thing keeping us poor is Tommy. 538 00:41:11,151 --> 00:41:14,850 The guy's an idiot. He won't sell squat. 539 00:41:14,851 --> 00:41:17,350 This is what I think of Callahan. 540 00:41:18,150 --> 00:41:21,550 Tommy saved the factory. That's a laugh! 541 00:41:36,550 --> 00:41:38,449 I don't see any McKeesport. 542 00:41:38,450 --> 00:41:42,000 It's the next town, Tons-of-Fun. It's gotta be there. 543 00:41:42,001 --> 00:41:45,550 Ok, where's moron? Moron's here, so McKeesport... 544 00:41:47,050 --> 00:41:49,850 Look, Magellan, we're at this wrinkle here. 545 00:42:01,350 --> 00:42:03,849 You saw it happen. There was nothing I could do, right? 546 00:42:03,850 --> 00:42:07,550 Maybe if you didn't lean over to insult me you would have seen it coming. 547 00:42:07,551 --> 00:42:09,250 Shut up, Tommy! It's not my fault. 548 00:42:09,251 --> 00:42:11,449 Poor little furry thing! 549 00:42:11,450 --> 00:42:13,749 I'd never seen one close up before. 550 00:42:13,750 --> 00:42:16,650 What are we gonna do? We can't just leave it here. 551 00:42:26,350 --> 00:42:28,649 Oh, no! Loading it up took us over an hour. 552 00:42:28,650 --> 00:42:31,049 Now we only got 20 minutes before "Brady Automotive" closes. 553 00:42:31,050 --> 00:42:33,950 - Yeah, where are we gonna take the deer? - I don't know. The vet? 554 00:42:33,951 --> 00:42:35,649 You take dead animals to the vet? 555 00:42:35,650 --> 00:42:38,550 - Why not? I'd take you to the vet. - Yeah, I'll take you to the... 556 00:42:38,551 --> 00:42:41,149 - Got that? - Shut up! 557 00:42:41,150 --> 00:42:43,850 - It's just down the hall sir, last door on the left. - Thank you. 558 00:42:44,850 --> 00:42:46,049 Hey, what's your hurry? 559 00:42:46,050 --> 00:42:48,249 You know that thing in the back seat? 560 00:42:48,250 --> 00:42:51,050 It's not an air refreshener. It's a dead rotting deer carcass. 561 00:42:51,051 --> 00:42:52,549 And we gotta take care of it quick. 562 00:42:52,550 --> 00:42:54,350 And this is one of our oldest customers, 563 00:42:54,351 --> 00:42:55,349 we should be in and out. 564 00:42:55,350 --> 00:42:57,800 This sales thing isn't so easy. 565 00:42:57,801 --> 00:43:00,250 You can't just go in and out, you gotta finesse'm a little bit. 566 00:43:00,251 --> 00:43:02,450 Hey, by finesse do you mean sputtering sentence fragments 567 00:43:02,451 --> 00:43:04,249 and lighting things on fire? 568 00:43:04,250 --> 00:43:07,349 No, but... It's nice to see you again Mr. Insult. 569 00:43:07,350 --> 00:43:10,950 Say, have you seen Richard anywhere? Cause if you do, can you ask him, 570 00:43:10,951 --> 00:43:15,250 I mean, since he's so good, if he might wanna try selling? 571 00:43:15,251 --> 00:43:16,950 Oh yeah? Watch and learn. 572 00:43:18,250 --> 00:43:21,450 Of course I understand what "no" means. But if I took no for an answer 573 00:43:21,451 --> 00:43:23,749 I probably would wind up on a street corner selling 574 00:43:23,750 --> 00:43:27,449 spicy hotdogs and wearing a funny hat, right? It makes sense, doesn't it? 575 00:43:27,450 --> 00:43:29,950 Look, I've been doing business with Callahan 576 00:43:29,951 --> 00:43:32,450 since I hung up my shingle. But I don't like you. 577 00:43:32,451 --> 00:43:34,049 Probably never will. 578 00:43:34,050 --> 00:43:37,550 You're a smug unhappy little man, and you treat people like they were idiots. 579 00:43:41,050 --> 00:43:44,849 Mr. Brady, you and my dad go way back. 580 00:43:44,850 --> 00:43:48,349 Son, I was sorry to hear about your dad, I was. 581 00:43:48,350 --> 00:43:51,400 But before I decide to keep my business with your place, 582 00:43:51,401 --> 00:43:54,449 I'd have to come by and have a look at your new operation. 583 00:43:54,450 --> 00:43:56,450 Hey, I'll tell you what: you can take a good look 584 00:43:56,451 --> 00:43:58,450 at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there 585 00:43:58,451 --> 00:44:00,649 but wouldn't you rather take his word for it? 586 00:44:00,650 --> 00:44:05,949 What? I'm failing to make the connection here, son. 587 00:44:05,950 --> 00:44:08,800 No, I mean, you can get a good look at a T-bone 588 00:44:08,801 --> 00:44:11,650 by sticking your head up a butcher's ass, but then... 589 00:44:11,651 --> 00:44:14,251 No, it's gotta be your bull. 590 00:44:14,252 --> 00:44:17,849 Here's the deal, if I want you-- 591 00:44:17,850 --> 00:44:20,449 - You have derailed. - Shut up, Richard! 592 00:44:20,450 --> 00:44:22,499 Boy, I'm really at a loss for words here. 593 00:44:22,500 --> 00:44:24,549 Forget it. I quit. 594 00:44:24,550 --> 00:44:31,450 I can't do this anymore man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks. 595 00:44:31,451 --> 00:44:33,650 I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. 596 00:44:33,651 --> 00:44:36,249 My dad just died. We just killed Bambi. 597 00:44:36,250 --> 00:44:39,850 I'm out here getting my ass kicked, and every time I drive down the road, 598 00:44:39,851 --> 00:44:43,950 I want to jerk the wheel into a goddamn bridge embankment! 599 00:44:50,850 --> 00:44:53,450 We'll be in touch. 600 00:45:01,850 --> 00:45:05,049 That guy might not call us. 601 00:45:05,050 --> 00:45:07,049 I can't believe you called me a psycho. 602 00:45:07,050 --> 00:45:09,050 Were you in there just now? You are a psycho. 603 00:45:09,051 --> 00:45:10,849 Good God! And comb your hair. 604 00:45:10,850 --> 00:45:14,950 I wouldn't say you did much better. I thought you were so cool. 605 00:45:14,951 --> 00:45:19,050 Watch and learn he says. And I was watching. You know what I saw? 606 00:45:26,950 --> 00:45:28,850 It's alive! 607 00:45:30,650 --> 00:45:32,850 I think it tried to bite me! 608 00:45:59,350 --> 00:46:02,349 No way that just happened. 609 00:46:02,350 --> 00:46:05,349 My car is completely destroyed. 610 00:46:05,350 --> 00:46:13,250 I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that was awesome! 611 00:46:14,850 --> 00:46:19,250 But sorry about your car, man. It sucks. 612 00:46:24,750 --> 00:46:27,950 We'll return to the "Zalinsky Family Theater" after these messages. 613 00:46:27,951 --> 00:46:30,250 Will you shut the window, Tommy! You're letting moths in. 614 00:46:30,251 --> 00:46:32,450 - No, it's hot in here. - Will you please... 615 00:46:32,451 --> 00:46:33,349 Look, it's him! 616 00:46:33,350 --> 00:46:36,350 America, if you need starters, spark plugs, ball joints, 617 00:46:36,351 --> 00:46:38,550 gaskets, camshafts, u-joints or rocker-arms, 618 00:46:38,551 --> 00:46:40,550 anything that can be screwed or glued to that car or truck of yours? 619 00:46:40,551 --> 00:46:41,850 Come see ol' Ray! 620 00:46:41,851 --> 00:46:45,550 You want a guarantee? I got a guarantee stamped on every box. 621 00:46:45,551 --> 00:46:47,850 He's got really weird hair. 622 00:46:47,851 --> 00:46:52,050 But more important is the guarantee that I make to the American worker. 623 00:46:52,051 --> 00:46:55,350 I want your truck to help you get the job done. 624 00:46:55,351 --> 00:46:58,950 I want your cruiser to get out there safely, so you can clean up the streets. 625 00:46:58,951 --> 00:47:02,150 And I want your kids to be safe when you take them for a ride. 626 00:47:02,151 --> 00:47:04,950 - Thanks, Ray. - Thank you, son. 627 00:47:04,951 --> 00:47:09,750 The name's Zalinsky. I make car parts for the American working man, 628 00:47:09,751 --> 00:47:12,750 because that's who I am. And that's who I care about. 629 00:47:12,751 --> 00:47:16,650 Drive down to Zalinsky. He's the auto parts king. 630 00:47:16,651 --> 00:47:18,949 He seems like a nice guy. 631 00:47:18,950 --> 00:47:22,650 This is the guy trying to buy the company, not to mention put you on the street 632 00:47:22,651 --> 00:47:25,450 and all you can say is "he seems like a nice guy"? 633 00:47:25,451 --> 00:47:27,050 He does. 634 00:47:29,850 --> 00:47:35,450 Michelle! I'm glad you called me back. Yeah, things are going great. 635 00:47:35,451 --> 00:47:37,949 I feel my first sale coming out real soon. 636 00:47:37,950 --> 00:47:42,350 Yeah, he's here. He's just going over his car insurance forms. 637 00:47:42,351 --> 00:47:44,050 Could we get any more moths in here? 638 00:47:45,350 --> 00:47:48,449 What? Oh, Richard's vacuuming. 639 00:47:48,450 --> 00:47:53,449 He's vacuuming. I don't know. I guess he's clean. 640 00:47:53,450 --> 00:47:57,850 Can I call you back in a few minutes? Thanks. I miss you. 641 00:47:57,851 --> 00:48:00,550 Hey! You can't sleep with the window open. 642 00:48:00,551 --> 00:48:03,249 And let me lay down some other rules too. 643 00:48:03,250 --> 00:48:08,650 - What are you so mad about? - Are you nuts? Do you even have to ask? 644 00:48:08,651 --> 00:48:12,049 My car is destroyed. We haven't made one sale. 645 00:48:12,050 --> 00:48:14,100 Which means we only have to sell about a 646 00:48:14,101 --> 00:48:16,150 half million brake pads in the next ten days, 647 00:48:16,151 --> 00:48:18,049 or else the factory is going under. 648 00:48:18,050 --> 00:48:21,950 And the one guy who should be caring about this, you, doesn't. 649 00:48:26,450 --> 00:48:29,350 You know what, Richard? You don't know me as good as you think you do. 650 00:48:29,351 --> 00:48:33,150 I care about stuff, I'm getting better at this sales thing. 651 00:48:33,151 --> 00:48:37,449 I'm not, but I could if you help me. 652 00:48:37,450 --> 00:48:40,550 Forget it, I have enough to do without having to change your diapers. 653 00:48:46,250 --> 00:48:51,750 - Richard, is this your coat? - Don't do it! 654 00:48:51,751 --> 00:48:54,350 Fat guy in little coat. 655 00:48:56,250 --> 00:48:57,349 No. 656 00:48:57,350 --> 00:49:01,850 Fat guy in a little coat. 657 00:49:05,950 --> 00:49:08,200 Take it off. I'm serious. 658 00:49:08,201 --> 00:49:10,450 Richard, what's happening? 659 00:49:26,750 --> 00:49:29,850 - Good tune man. - I don't think so. 660 00:49:31,650 --> 00:49:36,950 - Yeah, here we go. - This song sucks. 661 00:49:42,050 --> 00:49:44,850 - Talk about lame. - Totally. 662 00:49:45,750 --> 00:49:47,149 You can change it if you want. 663 00:49:47,150 --> 00:49:49,250 - I don't care, it's up to you. - I can live with it if you can. 664 00:49:49,251 --> 00:49:50,550 Suit yourself. 665 00:50:36,350 --> 00:50:37,850 Oh, God. 666 00:50:55,150 --> 00:50:57,950 Hey, I was just thinking, when we stopped for gas this morning 667 00:50:57,951 --> 00:51:00,750 I think it was you who put the oil in. 668 00:51:00,751 --> 00:51:03,650 Hey, if you're gonna say I didn't put the right kind, then you're wrong. 669 00:51:03,651 --> 00:51:05,649 I used 10W-30. 670 00:51:05,650 --> 00:51:08,749 And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident. 671 00:51:08,750 --> 00:51:13,150 True. But you can't latch the hood too well if you don't take the can out 672 00:51:13,151 --> 00:51:16,450 you no-selling waste of space! I swear to God you're worthless. 673 00:51:16,451 --> 00:51:20,850 I'm sorry about your car. But don't call me worthless. 674 00:51:20,851 --> 00:51:22,550 I'm trying my best. I'm not my dad. 675 00:51:22,551 --> 00:51:24,249 That's right. You're not your dad. 676 00:51:24,250 --> 00:51:27,050 He could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves. 677 00:51:27,051 --> 00:51:28,949 - Ketchup popsicle? - Yeah. 678 00:51:28,950 --> 00:51:30,549 I learned everything I know from him. 679 00:51:30,550 --> 00:51:33,100 I didn't have a father, and he looked out for me. But you! 680 00:51:33,101 --> 00:51:35,649 He was your real dad and you just took it for granted. 681 00:51:35,650 --> 00:51:39,450 Hey, I'm big Tom's son, he'll fix everything, so I'm allowed to be a moron. 682 00:51:39,451 --> 00:51:43,650 That's it! Get out of the car! It's go time, you and me. 683 00:51:43,651 --> 00:51:47,850 Look Mommy, the rhino is getting too close to the car. 684 00:51:47,851 --> 00:51:51,450 Him too 'fraid to get out. He just a little guy. 685 00:51:51,451 --> 00:51:53,449 That's it big boy. I'm gonna wail on you. 686 00:51:53,450 --> 00:51:56,050 You're gonna regret volunteering for this job, Porky. 687 00:51:56,051 --> 00:51:58,249 Hey boys and girls, it's Papa Smurf! 688 00:51:58,250 --> 00:51:59,949 You know what, you don't want none of me, think it through. 689 00:51:59,950 --> 00:52:02,150 Come on, give me your best shot, and I'll give you a free one! Let me have it! 690 00:52:03,950 --> 00:52:05,649 That's it? 691 00:52:05,650 --> 00:52:07,550 Come on, you can do better than that, can't ya Captain Limp Wrist? 692 00:52:07,551 --> 00:52:08,750 Try again. 693 00:52:10,250 --> 00:52:12,650 Hey everybody, is there a window open? I feel a draft. 694 00:52:15,850 --> 00:52:18,150 If I wanted a kiss, I woulda called your mother. 695 00:52:20,650 --> 00:52:22,350 That was a good one. 696 00:52:25,050 --> 00:52:27,050 Prehistoric Forest... 697 00:52:40,450 --> 00:52:43,850 Richard, do I have a mark on my face? It really hurts. 698 00:52:46,250 --> 00:52:49,550 No, nothing. I thought I hit you on the shoulder. 699 00:52:50,250 --> 00:52:55,250 My shoulder doesn't hurt very much, but my face does. Right here. 700 00:52:56,350 --> 00:52:59,650 Not here, or here so much, but right here. 701 00:52:59,651 --> 00:53:01,350 Nope. Sheep shape. 702 00:53:02,150 --> 00:53:06,550 Waitress could I get that shrimp cocktail I saw on the glass case? 703 00:53:06,551 --> 00:53:10,950 Yeah. And you... What can I get- Jesus, what happened to your face? 704 00:53:10,951 --> 00:53:14,949 I knew it. See, Richard? I'll have chicken wings. 705 00:53:14,950 --> 00:53:18,149 Kitchen's closed until dinner. I just got cold stuff and desserts. 706 00:53:18,150 --> 00:53:22,450 Boy, some chicken wings would really hit the spot. You sure it's closed? 707 00:53:23,850 --> 00:53:26,849 Let me check. Yup, it's closed. 708 00:53:26,850 --> 00:53:30,750 Okay. I'll just have a sugar packet or two. 709 00:53:30,751 --> 00:53:35,500 - Hey, what's your name? - Helen. 710 00:53:35,501 --> 00:53:37,549 That's nice. You look like a Helen. 711 00:53:37,550 --> 00:53:43,050 Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a salesman. 712 00:53:43,051 --> 00:53:45,149 Let's say I go into some guy's office 713 00:53:45,150 --> 00:53:48,149 let's say he's even remotely interested in buying something. 714 00:53:48,150 --> 00:53:51,350 Well, then I get all excited, I'm like Jo-Jo, the idiot circus-boy, 715 00:53:51,351 --> 00:53:55,649 with a pretty new pet. The pet is my possible sale. 716 00:53:55,650 --> 00:53:59,250 Oh, my pretty little pet. I love you! 717 00:53:59,251 --> 00:54:04,850 So I stroke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. 718 00:54:04,851 --> 00:54:10,050 I love it, I love my little naughty pet. You're naughty. 719 00:54:10,051 --> 00:54:14,050 And then I take my naughty pet, and I go... 720 00:54:19,550 --> 00:54:23,950 I killed it! I killed my sale! 721 00:54:25,150 --> 00:54:26,649 That's when I blow it. 722 00:54:26,650 --> 00:54:29,350 That's when people like us have got to forge head, Helen. Am I right? 723 00:54:32,750 --> 00:54:36,350 God, you're sick. Tell you what, 724 00:54:36,351 --> 00:54:39,950 I'll go turn the friers back on and throw some wings in for ya. 725 00:54:39,951 --> 00:54:44,250 Thanks, Helen. Tommy like-y. Tommy want wing-y. 726 00:54:44,251 --> 00:54:48,550 Did that board to the head knock something loose? 727 00:54:48,551 --> 00:54:49,949 What are you talking about? 728 00:54:49,950 --> 00:54:51,750 That 180 you just pulled at the waitress. 729 00:54:51,751 --> 00:54:53,149 Why can't you sell like that? 730 00:54:53,150 --> 00:54:56,250 I'm just having fun. If we didn't get the wings, so what? 731 00:54:56,251 --> 00:54:58,649 We still got that meat-lovers' pizza in the trunk. 732 00:54:58,650 --> 00:55:03,049 You got the wings cause you're relaxed. You had confidence. 733 00:55:03,050 --> 00:55:06,350 And that's what it takes to sell. Confidence. Your dad had that. 734 00:55:06,351 --> 00:55:09,450 Why do you always have to de-turd this things? 735 00:55:09,451 --> 00:55:11,249 My dad was smart, I'm not. 736 00:55:11,250 --> 00:55:13,849 Very true. But there's two types of smarts, 737 00:55:13,850 --> 00:55:16,550 book smarts, which waved bye-bye to you long ago, 738 00:55:16,551 --> 00:55:19,250 and there's street-smarts, the ability to read people. 739 00:55:19,251 --> 00:55:21,649 And you know how to do that, just like your dad. 740 00:55:21,650 --> 00:55:23,650 He was the best at knowing what people wanted to hear, 741 00:55:23,651 --> 00:55:25,650 and what people needed to hear. 742 00:55:25,651 --> 00:55:27,349 That's what selling is all about. 743 00:55:27,350 --> 00:55:31,250 In a way, these people are buying you, not just brake pads. 744 00:55:31,251 --> 00:55:33,450 Hey everybody, it's Tony Robbins! 745 00:55:35,250 --> 00:55:38,049 - Maybe you're right, Richard. - I think I am. 746 00:55:38,050 --> 00:55:42,050 Holy Lord, look at this guy, caught him right after thanksgiving feast. 747 00:55:42,051 --> 00:55:45,750 - Nice, Richard. - Now I need a Pooper-Scooper. 748 00:55:52,650 --> 00:55:54,749 I like your line. And I like your prices. 749 00:55:54,750 --> 00:55:58,549 But there's a problem. There's no guarantee on the box. 750 00:55:58,550 --> 00:56:02,250 If they break down, you can call me at home, even if I'm watching TV. 751 00:56:02,251 --> 00:56:05,849 Callahan has guaranteed every part sold since 1925. 752 00:56:05,850 --> 00:56:09,650 Maybe so, but it's not on the box. It should always be on the box. 753 00:56:09,651 --> 00:56:13,450 Comforting you, calling out "I'm good. I'll never let you down." 754 00:56:13,451 --> 00:56:15,749 "But if I do, I'm gonna make all things better." 755 00:56:15,750 --> 00:56:18,400 Our brake pads are made of a non-corrosive poly-plated... 756 00:56:18,401 --> 00:56:21,049 Son, if you're not talking about a guarantee, skip it. 757 00:56:21,050 --> 00:56:23,050 My customers need to see that little label, lookin' at 'em right in the eye. 758 00:56:23,051 --> 00:56:27,150 - Hey, you can get a good look at your butcher... - No. 759 00:56:27,151 --> 00:56:28,049 What? 760 00:56:28,050 --> 00:56:30,549 - Remember, chicken wings. - Chicken wings? 761 00:56:30,550 --> 00:56:32,150 Alright, uh, you wanna talk about guarantees, then... 762 00:56:32,151 --> 00:56:34,150 Fellas, you just ran out of time. 763 00:56:37,650 --> 00:56:39,449 Chicken wings. 764 00:56:39,450 --> 00:56:41,649 Let's think about this for a sec, Ted. 765 00:56:41,650 --> 00:56:47,050 Why would someone put a guarantee on a box? Hmm, very interesting. 766 00:56:47,051 --> 00:56:48,449 Go on! I'm listening. 767 00:56:48,450 --> 00:56:50,249 Here's the way I see it, Ted. 768 00:56:50,250 --> 00:56:53,950 A guy puts a fancy guarantee on the box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside. 769 00:56:53,951 --> 00:56:57,850 - Yeah, makes a man feel good. - Of course it does. Why shouldn't it? 770 00:56:57,851 --> 00:57:01,750 You figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy 771 00:57:01,751 --> 00:57:04,550 might come down and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted? 772 00:57:06,050 --> 00:57:07,349 What's your point? 773 00:57:07,350 --> 00:57:10,649 The point is, how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? 774 00:57:10,650 --> 00:57:13,950 "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy. Well, we're not buying it. 775 00:57:13,951 --> 00:57:16,349 He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes. 776 00:57:16,350 --> 00:57:18,450 Next thing you know there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter 777 00:57:18,451 --> 00:57:21,200 is knocked up. I've seen it a hundred times. 778 00:57:21,201 --> 00:57:23,949 But why do they put a guarantee on the box then? 779 00:57:23,950 --> 00:57:27,149 'Cause they know all they sold you was a guaranteed piece of shit. 780 00:57:27,150 --> 00:57:30,650 That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box 781 00:57:30,651 --> 00:57:33,049 and mark it "guaranteed", I will. I got spare time. 782 00:57:33,050 --> 00:57:36,150 But for now, for your customers' sake, for your daughter's sake 783 00:57:36,151 --> 00:57:39,250 you might wanna think about buying a quality product from me. 784 00:57:41,750 --> 00:57:43,400 Okay, I'll buy from you. 785 00:57:43,401 --> 00:57:45,050 - Well I... - What?! 786 00:57:48,150 --> 00:57:51,250 He's made one deal, Paul. It's not the end of the world. 787 00:57:51,251 --> 00:57:54,349 What would be good for us? We wanna sell the factory. 788 00:57:54,350 --> 00:57:57,150 They're not gonna sell the factory as long as Tommy keeps making sales. 789 00:57:57,151 --> 00:57:59,249 Why don't you come to bed? 790 00:57:59,250 --> 00:58:03,149 I got it! What does every factory need? Trucks. 791 00:58:03,150 --> 00:58:06,550 They make stuff. They gotta ship it. It's most simple. 792 00:58:06,551 --> 00:58:09,750 We stop the trucks, we stop Tommy boy. 793 00:59:06,150 --> 00:59:07,550 Not good. 794 00:59:15,550 --> 00:59:19,050 Come on man, let's at least take five minutes to celebrate our first victory! 795 00:59:19,051 --> 00:59:22,149 Look, we got lucky, don't jinx it. We only have a week left 796 00:59:22,150 --> 00:59:25,850 before the loan's due. I gotta finish figuring out our trips tonight, so we can jam out early. 797 00:59:25,851 --> 00:59:29,750 Okay, I'll tell you what. You work out that scientific stuff, I'll go out and get a pizza. 798 00:59:29,751 --> 00:59:33,650 The only thing I need to figure out is whether to get Chicago style or thin crust. 799 00:59:33,651 --> 00:59:36,250 The salesman has left the building. 800 00:59:37,750 --> 00:59:38,750 Chill bud. 801 00:59:57,350 --> 00:59:58,850 Oh, mamasita! 802 01:00:03,150 --> 01:00:04,249 Hi. 803 01:00:04,250 --> 01:00:06,649 Tommy, scram! Don't give her the weight room thing! 804 01:00:06,650 --> 01:00:09,650 Do you know where the weight room is? I'll check it out. 805 01:00:09,651 --> 01:00:11,550 Sorry. 806 01:00:14,550 --> 01:00:17,050 Oh, daddy likes! You get wet honey, you deserve a swim... 807 01:00:17,051 --> 01:00:19,550 Now take off that itchy robe. 808 01:00:31,350 --> 01:00:35,050 Nobody's around. It's naughty time. 809 01:00:40,350 --> 01:00:44,350 Oh, for the love of God, I've been patient. Please, don't stop! 810 01:00:44,351 --> 01:00:46,450 You've been on the- Oh, those are real! 811 01:00:49,450 --> 01:00:52,950 No one's looking. Speaking of "no one's looking"... 812 01:00:56,250 --> 01:00:59,950 Bad girl. Ah, thank you... 813 01:00:59,951 --> 01:01:01,150 I'm back. 814 01:01:05,150 --> 01:01:10,649 - Richard, what were you doing? - Going over some documents. 815 01:01:10,650 --> 01:01:14,650 - Where are they? Geez, I don't see them. - They're in my briefcase. 816 01:01:14,651 --> 01:01:16,949 - I thought you were getting pizza. - They were closed. 817 01:01:16,950 --> 01:01:21,050 How could you be reading documents when they're in your briefcase? 818 01:01:21,051 --> 01:01:23,349 That's a mystery. 819 01:01:23,350 --> 01:01:29,449 - Were you watching "Spank-tro-Vision"? - Ok then, let's hit it! 820 01:01:29,450 --> 01:01:33,450 Maybe you were watching a movie with that funny comedian, oh, what's his name? 821 01:01:33,451 --> 01:01:35,449 Buddy Wackett? 822 01:01:35,450 --> 01:01:37,249 All right then, let's get some shut eye! 823 01:01:37,250 --> 01:01:40,500 - Hey, that's a pretty girl down there. - Good for her! 824 01:01:40,501 --> 01:01:43,750 Geez, I wonder if she goes out with one of the "Yankees". 825 01:01:44,350 --> 01:01:45,750 Couldn't tell ya. 826 01:01:53,850 --> 01:01:57,650 Big day tomorrow. I hope we can keep this momentum going. 827 01:01:57,651 --> 01:01:59,450 Yup, that'd be good. 828 01:02:02,950 --> 01:02:10,250 Richard? Who's your favorite little rascal? Alfalfa or is it Spanky? 829 01:02:13,350 --> 01:02:15,050 Sinner! 830 01:02:27,850 --> 01:02:30,049 Yes, I'll buy. 831 01:02:30,050 --> 01:02:31,550 Yes, I like what I hear. 832 01:02:31,551 --> 01:02:32,749 Yes, sounds good. 833 01:02:32,750 --> 01:02:35,950 By the way, did you ever eat paint chips as a kid? 834 01:02:41,850 --> 01:02:44,050 Son of a... 835 01:02:53,250 --> 01:02:56,750 A thousand units to Oshkosh? Tommy, that's fabulous! 836 01:02:56,751 --> 01:02:58,950 Your dad never sold a thousand in Oshkosh. 837 01:02:58,951 --> 01:03:00,750 uh uh, since I've been here. 838 01:03:49,850 --> 01:03:52,850 Lord, I never had to tinkle so bad in all my life. 839 01:03:57,250 --> 01:04:00,349 Richard! You're a riot! 840 01:04:00,350 --> 01:04:03,449 Stop the car! Son of a... 841 01:04:03,450 --> 01:04:06,250 What the hell's gotten into you? My thing got 842 01:04:06,251 --> 01:04:09,050 stuck in the zipper, I got piss all over my pants. 843 01:04:30,150 --> 01:04:32,950 Ok, thanks. Bye, I owe you. 844 01:04:34,700 --> 01:04:38,350 Oh, there you are. While I was waiting I thought I'd make a couple calls. 845 01:04:38,351 --> 01:04:40,350 Okay, mom, I'll call you later then, bye bye. 846 01:04:42,450 --> 01:04:44,050 What do you want? 847 01:04:44,850 --> 01:04:49,250 I just wanted to tell you that Tommy's been talking a lot about you recently 848 01:04:49,251 --> 01:04:51,250 and well, thought you might wanna know that. 849 01:04:51,251 --> 01:04:52,649 God, he's so sweet. 850 01:04:52,650 --> 01:04:55,650 You've no idea how much it means having you and your mom as family. 851 01:04:55,651 --> 01:04:58,149 He says the sweetest things about her. 852 01:04:58,150 --> 01:05:02,349 Everything he does is sweet. So, when does sweetie get back? 853 01:05:02,350 --> 01:05:05,550 This Friday. Which is great, because we're backed up on orders as it is. 854 01:05:05,551 --> 01:05:08,649 He's turned into this... selling machine. 855 01:05:08,650 --> 01:05:10,950 Well, between that and the sweetness, I'd say hang on to it. 856 01:05:16,950 --> 01:05:18,350 I gotta go. 857 01:05:22,450 --> 01:05:26,550 Yes, sir. I can have that for you tomorrow. Well, that'd be great. Thank you sir. 858 01:05:41,050 --> 01:05:44,550 - Housekeeping. - No, thank you. Sleeping. 859 01:05:45,650 --> 01:05:49,250 - Housekeeping. - Could you come back here in an hour? 860 01:05:50,850 --> 01:05:55,550 - Housekeeping. You want towel? - No towels, need sleepy. 861 01:05:56,250 --> 01:05:59,500 Housekeeping. You want mint for pillow? 862 01:05:59,501 --> 01:06:02,750 Please, go away! Let me sleep, for the love of God! 863 01:06:03,950 --> 01:06:06,950 Housekeeping. You want me jerk you off? 864 01:06:08,350 --> 01:06:12,350 What kind of hotel is this. what the hell are- Oh, it's you. 865 01:06:12,351 --> 01:06:13,949 Good morning, sunshine. 866 01:06:13,950 --> 01:06:17,350 Hey, guess what, I just called "Auto Tech" and they decided to make an order. 867 01:06:17,351 --> 01:06:20,450 So according to my calculations, that puts us over the mark. 868 01:06:20,451 --> 01:06:23,749 - We did it? - We did. 869 01:06:23,750 --> 01:06:27,150 Oh, Richard, I'm so happy! Hold me! 870 01:06:27,151 --> 01:06:30,550 Don't run away from your feelings! 871 01:07:55,950 --> 01:07:58,700 Something went haywire down at shipping and receiving. 872 01:07:58,701 --> 01:08:01,450 Your shipments got screwed up in the computer, 873 01:08:01,451 --> 01:08:04,550 the wrong parts went to the wrong cities. Now all hell's broken lose. 874 01:08:04,551 --> 01:08:06,149 I don't believe this. 875 01:08:06,150 --> 01:08:08,650 Ok, so we call everyone and explain what happened. 876 01:08:08,651 --> 01:08:10,750 Half the orders have already been cancelled. 877 01:08:10,751 --> 01:08:12,349 What?! 878 01:08:12,350 --> 01:08:14,849 They think it's an indication of how things work around here. 879 01:08:14,850 --> 01:08:18,050 The real problem is that we won't be able to make the payment to the bank. 880 01:08:18,051 --> 01:08:20,050 It's like a bad "Twilight Zone". 881 01:08:20,051 --> 01:08:22,049 I think I'm growing a tumor. 882 01:08:22,050 --> 01:08:24,549 Look, we talk to the bank. Maybe they'll give us a break. 883 01:08:24,550 --> 01:08:26,950 We've been doing business with them for 23 years. 884 01:08:26,951 --> 01:08:29,350 Tommy, it's all over. 885 01:08:29,351 --> 01:08:33,150 You made a valiant effort, but we're gonna have to sell to Zalinsky. 886 01:08:33,151 --> 01:08:35,949 I'm flying to Chicago to sign over the company. 887 01:08:35,950 --> 01:08:39,150 - What's gonna happen to the factory? - He's gonna shut it down. 888 01:08:39,151 --> 01:08:41,600 Zalinsky doesn't care about our workers. 889 01:08:41,601 --> 01:08:44,050 He wants the Callahan name, that's all. 890 01:08:44,051 --> 01:08:45,949 Did anyone see "Scanners"? 891 01:08:45,950 --> 01:08:49,950 Bottom line is, by 6pm tomorrow we'll all be unemployed. 892 01:09:00,150 --> 01:09:03,850 Don't say anything, ok! I know I've ruined your entire life, and you hate me, 893 01:09:03,851 --> 01:09:05,750 so let me pack my things and go crawling through 894 01:09:05,751 --> 01:09:08,050 a dark hole for a few years. 895 01:09:08,051 --> 01:09:09,150 Hi. 896 01:09:13,850 --> 01:09:16,350 - So, do you hate me? - I just don't get it. 897 01:09:16,351 --> 01:09:19,249 I guaranteed overnight delivery. 898 01:09:19,250 --> 01:09:22,550 - We faxed to our shipping addresses, didn't we? - Yes. 899 01:09:22,551 --> 01:09:25,850 And they were right when I put them into my computer. I swear. 900 01:09:25,851 --> 01:09:28,700 And how could- Oh, man! This was so big! 901 01:09:28,701 --> 01:09:31,550 I know it was big, but it wasn't my fault. 902 01:09:33,750 --> 01:09:37,250 Why can't you put your files in the file cabinet like everybody else, uh? 903 01:09:37,251 --> 01:09:40,949 I mean, maybe if you weren't such a rebel, you could've avoided... 904 01:09:40,950 --> 01:09:44,150 Don't worry because I've quit. So you won't have to put up with anything anymore. 905 01:09:45,650 --> 01:09:48,350 Michelle, wait! Come on, please! 906 01:09:55,250 --> 01:09:58,749 Thanks. Have a good flight. May I help you? 907 01:09:58,750 --> 01:10:01,949 Hi, I called about a ticket to Cuyahoga Falls, the name's Brock. 908 01:10:01,950 --> 01:10:04,650 Right. That flight goes through Columbus. Let me just call that up for you. 909 01:10:11,950 --> 01:10:13,550 Excuse me. 910 01:10:21,550 --> 01:10:24,350 Hello, is detective Duane Brock on duty today? 911 01:10:27,550 --> 01:10:29,849 This town doesn't even know what's about to hit it. 912 01:10:29,850 --> 01:10:34,450 Fish in a barrel, my man. Town's the fish, people are the barrel. 913 01:10:34,451 --> 01:10:36,150 Fish in a barrel... 914 01:10:41,250 --> 01:10:43,650 What's wrong with you, Richard? You can't drink in a car. 915 01:10:43,651 --> 01:10:45,249 Don't you know we could get busted for that? 916 01:10:45,250 --> 01:10:49,850 I'm sorry. I need not know that. Right now we got a bigger problem. 917 01:10:49,851 --> 01:10:51,850 - That is? - Beer's coming back up. 918 01:10:51,851 --> 01:10:53,350 Oh, Lord! 919 01:10:56,250 --> 01:10:57,850 Here we go! 920 01:10:59,250 --> 01:11:00,449 Cops! 921 01:11:00,450 --> 01:11:02,849 Dammit, Richard. The whole car smells like beer. 922 01:11:02,850 --> 01:11:06,550 They're never gonna believe I wasn't drinking. Hold on! 923 01:11:07,650 --> 01:11:09,850 - What are you doing? - I got an idea. 924 01:11:12,550 --> 01:11:13,650 What the hell? 925 01:11:14,550 --> 01:11:16,750 When I stop the car, run out screaming. 926 01:11:16,751 --> 01:11:17,750 No problem. 927 01:11:22,450 --> 01:11:24,150 Little trick my dad taught me. 928 01:11:29,450 --> 01:11:35,249 Bees! Bees! Bees in the car! Bees everywhere! 929 01:11:35,250 --> 01:11:38,950 God, they're huge! They're ripping my flesh! 930 01:11:39,750 --> 01:11:43,049 Son, roll around! Do you hear me? 931 01:11:43,050 --> 01:11:46,150 - Roll around on the ground! - Forget that, I'm starting to swell up! 932 01:11:46,151 --> 01:11:49,250 Save yourself, Tommy! Don't be the hero! 933 01:11:49,251 --> 01:11:52,350 - Frank, I'm allergic to bees. - Me too. 934 01:11:52,351 --> 01:11:54,549 They're huge and they sting crazy! 935 01:11:54,550 --> 01:11:56,350 We'll come back later to check on you. 936 01:11:57,150 --> 01:11:58,449 Save yourselves! 937 01:11:58,450 --> 01:12:00,650 Your firearms are useless against them! 938 01:12:05,450 --> 01:12:07,449 Holy shnikees, it worked! 939 01:12:07,450 --> 01:12:14,350 I just barfed in an anthill. Cool! Wow, I think they're pissed. 940 01:12:17,950 --> 01:12:19,749 Yeah. That's the answer. 941 01:12:19,750 --> 01:12:23,450 Doesn't look like the answer. I don't remember eating that. 942 01:12:23,451 --> 01:12:27,150 No! Zalinsky. We go to Chicago, tell him we're not for sale. 943 01:12:27,151 --> 01:12:29,949 He seems like a good guy on TV. He'll understand. 944 01:12:29,950 --> 01:12:35,250 You're dreaming. You can't stop him. You lost your shares to the bank, remember? 945 01:12:35,251 --> 01:12:38,450 What the hell? In less than 24hs I'll lose the factory anyway. 946 01:12:38,451 --> 01:12:40,650 So why not give it a shot? 947 01:12:41,350 --> 01:12:44,550 - Chicago? - Chicago. 948 01:12:53,950 --> 01:12:57,250 - You can't park here! - Keep it! 949 01:12:57,251 --> 01:12:58,749 Where are you going? 950 01:12:58,750 --> 01:13:01,549 Leave me a message and I'll get back to you. Thanks. 951 01:13:01,550 --> 01:13:06,950 Hi, Michelle. This is Tommy. Listen, I'm sorry about what I said. 952 01:13:06,951 --> 01:13:12,350 I was being an idiot. I wanna apologize cause, I didn't mean it. 953 01:13:13,450 --> 01:13:17,050 Anyway, me and Richard are going to Chicago, to straighten things out. 954 01:13:17,051 --> 01:13:19,650 The next flight to Chicago boards in five minutes but 955 01:13:19,651 --> 01:13:21,949 I'm sorry, it's completely sold out. 956 01:13:21,950 --> 01:13:25,649 I can put you on another one at 3 o'clock this afternoon. 957 01:13:25,650 --> 01:13:29,850 Lady, we really need to get to Chicago. It's an emergency. Is there anything you can do? 958 01:13:31,450 --> 01:13:34,550 I can put you in to Salt Lake City, by 16:00... 959 01:13:36,450 --> 01:13:39,450 I don't have time to go thru another city. I need a direct flight to Chicago. 960 01:13:40,350 --> 01:13:44,750 Oh, I can reserve you a flight coming back from Chicago at 17:55... 961 01:13:44,751 --> 01:13:45,649 Does that help? 962 01:13:45,650 --> 01:13:47,850 Hi. I'm Earth. Have we met? 963 01:13:47,851 --> 01:13:49,450 I don't think so. 964 01:13:50,550 --> 01:13:52,850 So, I'll talk to you later. Okay, bye. 965 01:13:53,550 --> 01:13:57,050 We're screwed. No tickets to Chicago. Not even stand- by. 966 01:13:57,051 --> 01:13:58,950 There's gotta be something we can do. 967 01:14:00,550 --> 01:14:05,550 Wait a minute! You got any money? Cause I got a plan! 968 01:14:13,050 --> 01:14:15,150 We're gonna get busted, let's get out of here! 969 01:14:15,151 --> 01:14:16,149 Too late. 970 01:14:16,150 --> 01:14:17,749 Hey, guess who's here! 971 01:14:17,750 --> 01:14:20,950 What are we serving tonight, chicken or... chicken? 972 01:14:22,250 --> 01:14:24,950 What a nice surprise! They said we were gonna be short-handed this leg. 973 01:14:24,951 --> 01:14:27,750 You two take coach. Oh, and could you handle the announcements? 974 01:14:27,751 --> 01:14:29,449 Okey dokey. No problemo. 975 01:14:29,450 --> 01:14:31,250 They're gonna know we're bogus. 976 01:14:31,251 --> 01:14:33,049 Relax! You get on the horn! 977 01:14:33,050 --> 01:14:35,250 I throw some peanuts at 'em. We'll be in Chicago before you know it. 978 01:14:40,550 --> 01:14:43,100 Ok, folks, the guy in front of you is Tommy. 979 01:14:43,101 --> 01:14:45,650 He'll be taking you through my little spiel here. 980 01:14:45,651 --> 01:14:49,550 Tommy is a Scorpio, he likes biking, and he's never been laid. 981 01:14:52,350 --> 01:14:54,900 Exits! Ok, there's one back here, 982 01:14:54,901 --> 01:14:57,450 and there's probably one over by the wing, somewhere, 983 01:14:57,451 --> 01:15:00,749 usually. And what about seat belts? 984 01:15:00,750 --> 01:15:03,949 To fasten, take the little end and stick it in the big end. 985 01:15:03,950 --> 01:15:06,700 You know what, if you guys don't know how to use a seat belt, 986 01:15:06,701 --> 01:15:09,450 just ring the call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you on the head 987 01:15:09,451 --> 01:15:12,250 with a tack hammer cause you are a retard. 988 01:15:12,251 --> 01:15:15,050 Ok, and life preservers. These we may need. 989 01:15:15,051 --> 01:15:16,550 Although what are the odds 990 01:15:16,551 --> 01:15:18,049 of us actually hitting a lake? 991 01:15:18,050 --> 01:15:20,249 My money says if anything, it's gonna be a mountain. 992 01:15:20,250 --> 01:15:23,750 To inflate, put it around your neck and yank down on the tab. 993 01:15:27,350 --> 01:15:30,350 Son of a! I can't breathe! 994 01:15:30,351 --> 01:15:31,850 Chocking! 995 01:15:38,650 --> 01:15:40,950 He's a big dumb animal, isn't he folks? 996 01:15:43,350 --> 01:15:45,650 Folks, we're making our final approach into Chicago. 997 01:15:46,750 --> 01:15:50,150 Ma'am, are you still alive? 998 01:15:50,151 --> 01:15:53,550 Ma'am there's a half hour time limit. 999 01:16:09,750 --> 01:16:13,650 Ok, now, we're running out of time, so you can't go see Zalinsky like that. 1000 01:16:13,651 --> 01:16:15,150 Now go change! 1001 01:16:20,150 --> 01:16:21,150 Go! 1002 01:17:15,050 --> 01:17:17,450 Fasten your seat belt. 1003 01:17:33,050 --> 01:17:35,550 I'm okay. I'm fine, I'm fine now. 1004 01:17:48,050 --> 01:17:51,549 - What are you doing? - I'm nervous so I'm sweating. 1005 01:17:51,550 --> 01:17:55,150 You're gonna smell like a cab driver. Not to say that that's bad. 1006 01:17:55,151 --> 01:17:57,350 I wanna be fresh for the meeting. 1007 01:17:57,351 --> 01:17:59,450 Well, you look good. Are you ready? 1008 01:17:59,451 --> 01:18:01,550 Ready or not, this is crunch time. 1009 01:18:01,551 --> 01:18:03,650 525... That's it! 1010 01:18:07,750 --> 01:18:10,249 Son of a... That's gonna leave a mark. 1011 01:18:10,250 --> 01:18:15,349 - Whoa, look at this place! - Welcome to the Pros. 1012 01:18:15,350 --> 01:18:20,650 Oh my God, it's him! There he is, my friend. The King himself. 1013 01:18:23,050 --> 01:18:25,850 Let's do it! It's go time. 1014 01:18:31,950 --> 01:18:33,049 Where did he go? 1015 01:18:33,050 --> 01:18:35,150 I don't know. You check the elevators, I'll check the bank. 1016 01:18:44,550 --> 01:18:45,750 Where is he? where is he? 1017 01:18:47,850 --> 01:18:50,850 Listen up! This'll only take a second! 1018 01:19:03,650 --> 01:19:06,050 - Wow, what's going on down here? - Walk slow! 1019 01:19:06,051 --> 01:19:08,649 - Okay. Why? - Nothing. 1020 01:19:08,650 --> 01:19:11,950 - Am I consorting with a known felon? - Shut up, Richard! 1021 01:19:11,951 --> 01:19:14,250 Hey mom! It's the guy who robbed the bank! 1022 01:19:14,251 --> 01:19:16,049 I didn't rob any bank. 1023 01:19:16,050 --> 01:19:20,050 Oh, yeah, right. Like there was other real fat guy with a tiny head. 1024 01:19:21,250 --> 01:19:22,750 I got a tiny head? 1025 01:19:27,550 --> 01:19:28,850 Zalinsky. 1026 01:19:32,750 --> 01:19:34,150 Say something! 1027 01:19:37,650 --> 01:19:41,650 Mr. Zalinsky? I'm Tommy Callahan. Big Tom Callahan's son. 1028 01:19:42,650 --> 01:19:45,450 Sorry to hear about your dad. He was a good man. 1029 01:19:48,350 --> 01:19:50,650 Went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume there, kid. 1030 01:19:51,650 --> 01:19:53,749 Sir, it's a taxi cab air-freshener. 1031 01:19:53,750 --> 01:19:56,450 Great, you've pinpointed it. Step two is washing it off. 1032 01:19:58,150 --> 01:20:00,050 Sir, what exactly happened here? 1033 01:20:00,051 --> 01:20:01,949 He came out of the shadows behind me 1034 01:20:01,950 --> 01:20:05,450 and after he hit me many many times in the head, with a hammer 1035 01:20:05,451 --> 01:20:07,649 I had to give him my gun, you know, I've got kids. 1036 01:20:07,650 --> 01:20:11,850 So as more details emerge on this attempted bank robbery, 1037 01:20:11,851 --> 01:20:13,549 Action 8 will be there. 1038 01:20:13,550 --> 01:20:16,050 But the "Callahan" factory's been in my family for 70 years, 1039 01:20:16,051 --> 01:20:18,550 you can't just shut it down. 1040 01:20:18,551 --> 01:20:20,950 Son, you gotta look at it from my point of view. 1041 01:20:20,951 --> 01:20:23,349 Callahan's a premium name. That's what I'm buying. 1042 01:20:23,350 --> 01:20:26,650 I can make the parts in one of my factories, put 'em in a Callahan box 1043 01:20:26,651 --> 01:20:27,849 and sell 'em in my stores. 1044 01:20:27,850 --> 01:20:31,649 At a premium price. Why keep your factory going when all I want is the goddamned box? 1045 01:20:31,650 --> 01:20:34,300 I'll tell you why. Cause there's a town involved here. 1046 01:20:34,301 --> 01:20:36,950 Callahan factory is the only thing keeping it alive. 1047 01:20:36,951 --> 01:20:38,850 Look, believe it or not, I'm providing a service. 1048 01:20:38,851 --> 01:20:40,750 I'm thinning the corporate herd. 1049 01:20:40,751 --> 01:20:43,049 You've seen "Daktari"? The weaker animals always go. 1050 01:20:43,050 --> 01:20:45,750 So the kids cry when you tie an old tiger to a tree and shoot him. 1051 01:20:45,751 --> 01:20:48,249 But that's life! America's in a state of renewal. 1052 01:20:48,250 --> 01:20:51,150 We've gotta have the strength to tie a few factories to a tree 1053 01:20:51,151 --> 01:20:52,349 and bash 'em with a shovel. 1054 01:20:52,350 --> 01:20:54,749 Meanwhile, if I can grab your share of the market, 1055 01:20:54,750 --> 01:20:56,600 put a little coin in the pocket, by being the asshole? 1056 01:20:56,601 --> 01:20:58,450 Well, what the hell, you know what I mean? 1057 01:20:59,950 --> 01:21:01,750 Boy, you sure are different in your TV commercials. 1058 01:21:01,751 --> 01:21:04,249 What the American public doesn't know 1059 01:21:04,250 --> 01:21:06,850 is what makes them the American public, alright? 1060 01:21:10,650 --> 01:21:12,449 God, I love that! 1061 01:21:12,450 --> 01:21:15,650 Hell, folks believe me when I tell them: we're not just building automotive components here 1062 01:21:15,651 --> 01:21:17,850 we're adding horsepower to the American industry. 1063 01:21:25,050 --> 01:21:27,650 You say a word to anyone and I will kill you. Do you understand me? 1064 01:21:27,651 --> 01:21:29,250 It looks real. 1065 01:21:33,150 --> 01:21:35,149 Yeah, television's been good to me, son. 1066 01:21:35,150 --> 01:21:39,850 I make car parts for the American working man, because that's what I am 1067 01:21:39,851 --> 01:21:41,550 and that's who I care about. 1068 01:21:43,950 --> 01:21:46,649 The truth is I make car parts for the American working man 1069 01:21:46,650 --> 01:21:49,149 because I'm a hell of a salesman, and he doesn't know any better. 1070 01:21:49,150 --> 01:21:52,150 Well, son, since you're no longer the shareholder, this is where I leave you. 1071 01:21:52,151 --> 01:21:53,449 Don't feel bad. 1072 01:21:53,450 --> 01:21:55,700 This chain of events was set in motion a long long time ago. 1073 01:21:55,701 --> 01:21:57,950 You and your bald headed friend, you did what you could, 1074 01:21:57,951 --> 01:21:58,949 that's commendable. 1075 01:21:58,950 --> 01:22:00,750 Marty, have security see these boys out! 1076 01:22:01,450 --> 01:22:03,050 Mrs. Callahan. 1077 01:22:07,050 --> 01:22:09,150 What's my family doing in there? 1078 01:22:19,850 --> 01:22:21,549 I thought they were on my side. 1079 01:22:21,550 --> 01:22:23,849 They had a lot to gain if the factory was sold. 1080 01:22:23,850 --> 01:22:26,400 Boy, did I screw up. 1081 01:22:26,401 --> 01:22:28,950 My so-called family deserted me. 1082 01:22:28,951 --> 01:22:31,400 Michelle's mad at me. I lost the factory. 1083 01:22:31,401 --> 01:22:33,850 The town's going under and I'm out of a job. 1084 01:22:35,850 --> 01:22:39,150 Could have done without that. Geez, I'm an idiot! 1085 01:22:41,650 --> 01:22:43,600 Boy, I sure let my dad down. 1086 01:22:43,601 --> 01:22:45,550 You tried as hard as you could. 1087 01:22:46,550 --> 01:22:49,950 When we first started out I thought you'd just walk through this like you walked through everything else. 1088 01:22:49,951 --> 01:22:53,050 But you didn't. So your dad would've been proud o'you. 1089 01:22:54,550 --> 01:22:56,049 And you got a friend out of it. 1090 01:22:56,050 --> 01:22:59,250 Now, I know it doesn't matter cause you have so many, but uh... 1091 01:23:00,850 --> 01:23:02,150 ... I don't. 1092 01:23:04,550 --> 01:23:05,950 Thanks man. 1093 01:23:08,250 --> 01:23:09,650 Tommy. 1094 01:23:11,950 --> 01:23:12,849 Michelle! 1095 01:23:12,850 --> 01:23:14,950 - Don't tell her about my hair! - Let it go! 1096 01:23:14,951 --> 01:23:16,749 God, I was worried I wouldn't find you. 1097 01:23:16,750 --> 01:23:18,950 - Hey, what are you doing here? - I got your message. 1098 01:23:18,951 --> 01:23:21,649 Okay, I was at the airport. I was going home. 1099 01:23:21,650 --> 01:23:24,650 And I saw your step-brother and your step-mother, and he was kissing her. 1100 01:23:24,651 --> 01:23:26,450 - So? - With his tongue. 1101 01:23:27,850 --> 01:23:30,849 - Doing his mommy? - She's not his mom. They're married. 1102 01:23:30,850 --> 01:23:33,950 They were lying to your dad the whole time. And my brother got these police reports. 1103 01:23:33,951 --> 01:23:34,849 See? 1104 01:23:34,850 --> 01:23:35,849 They lied to my dad? 1105 01:23:35,850 --> 01:23:37,450 They're con artists. They suckered him. 1106 01:23:37,451 --> 01:23:39,050 They lied to my dad. 1107 01:23:48,250 --> 01:23:52,650 Richard, I'm gonna need your watch. I've got a plan. 1108 01:24:05,250 --> 01:24:08,350 Folks, Mr. Zalinsky gave us specific instructions to bar you from the building. 1109 01:24:08,351 --> 01:24:11,250 Sorry boys. Hopefully we'll just be in and out. 1110 01:24:11,251 --> 01:24:12,349 My God, he's wired! 1111 01:24:12,350 --> 01:24:15,050 And uh, no cops. Wouldn't want things to get messy. 1112 01:24:20,950 --> 01:24:22,549 - That was fun. - Now what? 1113 01:24:22,550 --> 01:24:25,350 Well, it's 6 o'clock, time for the news. 1114 01:24:27,350 --> 01:24:29,550 Excuse me! Oh God. 1115 01:24:33,950 --> 01:24:35,650 Done this before? 1116 01:24:36,350 --> 01:24:37,650 Thank you, Marty. 1117 01:24:43,950 --> 01:24:46,600 My, your hands move quickly! 1118 01:24:46,601 --> 01:24:49,250 Only when I see something I want, Mrs. Callahan. 1119 01:24:51,350 --> 01:24:53,150 Just doesn't seem right. 1120 01:24:53,151 --> 01:24:55,049 Hi! Got a second? 1121 01:24:55,050 --> 01:24:57,850 - What the hell's going on? - Oh, my God, we're gonna die! 1122 01:24:57,851 --> 01:24:59,049 Tommy, what are you doing? 1123 01:24:59,050 --> 01:25:00,950 Hi, Ted. Hi, Frank. Excuse me, Marty. 1124 01:25:00,951 --> 01:25:02,349 Okay, we're live. 1125 01:25:02,350 --> 01:25:05,450 We now switch live to our reporter who's at the scene with the bomber. 1126 01:25:05,451 --> 01:25:07,150 This is Nicole Taylor, live from Chicago. 1127 01:25:07,151 --> 01:25:08,750 Hey, look! It's Tommy! 1128 01:25:09,650 --> 01:25:12,950 Nicole, I've got something to say. Please, may i? 1129 01:25:13,950 --> 01:25:16,650 Hi. This is Tommy Callahan here with Mr. Ray Zalinsky, 1130 01:25:16,651 --> 01:25:17,949 American auto-parts king. 1131 01:25:17,950 --> 01:25:20,850 Honey, look at this human-bomb on the news! 1132 01:25:22,150 --> 01:25:25,150 Oh yeah, I buy brake pads off him. I thought we were watching cartoons. 1133 01:25:26,850 --> 01:25:29,749 Mr. Zalinsky, for years you've been putting ads on TV. 1134 01:25:29,750 --> 01:25:35,650 And they always end up with you saying: "I make car parts for..." How does that go? 1135 01:25:37,950 --> 01:25:42,050 I make car parts for the American working man, because that's what I am 1136 01:25:42,051 --> 01:25:43,549 and that's who I care about. 1137 01:25:43,550 --> 01:25:47,450 That's why I'm here, Ray. You see, back in Sandusky, Ohio, 1138 01:25:47,451 --> 01:25:50,150 there are 300 American workers at "Callahan Auto". 1139 01:25:50,151 --> 01:25:51,949 We make the best parts money can buy. 1140 01:25:51,950 --> 01:25:54,950 And right now those workers are in danger of losing their jobs. 1141 01:25:54,951 --> 01:25:57,550 They're praying that somebody's gonna step up and help 'em. 1142 01:25:57,551 --> 01:25:59,700 Is that why you've strapped a bomb to your chest? 1143 01:25:59,701 --> 01:26:01,850 Oh, this isn't a bomb. These are road flares. 1144 01:26:01,851 --> 01:26:03,449 Road flares? 1145 01:26:03,450 --> 01:26:05,750 Did you live under power lines as a kid or something? 1146 01:26:05,751 --> 01:26:07,249 Why? 1147 01:26:07,250 --> 01:26:09,350 Do you guys want this or "American Gladiators"? 1148 01:26:09,351 --> 01:26:11,249 "Gladiators". 1149 01:26:11,250 --> 01:26:14,050 So, do you think "Zalinsky Industries" can help these folks? 1150 01:26:14,051 --> 01:26:16,350 I'll be happy to look into it. 1151 01:26:18,450 --> 01:26:21,650 I'll tell you what, I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's ass, 1152 01:26:21,651 --> 01:26:23,750 but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it. 1153 01:26:25,450 --> 01:26:28,850 Am I just severely wasted or does Tommy look bloated? 1154 01:26:28,851 --> 01:26:32,250 No, it's TV, man. Camera adds a couple... 100 pounds. 1155 01:26:33,450 --> 01:26:37,050 Ray, we're not looking for a handout here. I'm offering you a great deal. 1156 01:26:37,051 --> 01:26:40,450 This is an order for half-a-million "Callahan" brake pads, 1157 01:26:40,451 --> 01:26:41,950 to be sold in your stores. 1158 01:26:42,450 --> 01:26:46,450 Made by the American working man, for the American working man. 1159 01:26:51,150 --> 01:26:54,950 Absolutely. It'd be my great pleasure. What have I got to lose? 1160 01:26:54,951 --> 01:26:56,749 A great American product, right? 1161 01:26:56,750 --> 01:26:59,750 I don't believe it. Tommy just sold half a million brake pads. 1162 01:26:59,751 --> 01:27:04,250 Tommy just sold a half million brake pads! 1163 01:27:10,850 --> 01:27:13,650 What difference does it make? The company's gonna be mine in ten minutes anyway. Right? 1164 01:27:16,250 --> 01:27:18,349 Mr. Zalinsky, thank you. 1165 01:27:18,350 --> 01:27:20,749 Thank you Tommy boy. And thank you. 1166 01:27:20,750 --> 01:27:23,950 And remember you can pick up these great brake pads from "Callahan Auto" 1167 01:27:23,951 --> 01:27:27,750 all my "Zalinsky Auto Parts" outlets all over North America! 1168 01:27:27,751 --> 01:27:29,149 Bravo, Tommy! 1169 01:27:29,150 --> 01:27:33,150 For the moment it looks like a tragedy has been eluded and a town has been saved. 1170 01:27:33,151 --> 01:27:35,950 For Action News, I'm Nicole Taylor, reporting live. 1171 01:27:38,050 --> 01:27:39,349 Okay, we're out of here! 1172 01:27:39,350 --> 01:27:42,050 Wait a minute, fat boy! You lost your shares to the bank. 1173 01:27:42,051 --> 01:27:43,949 You don't even have a right to be here. 1174 01:27:43,950 --> 01:27:46,300 Gee, funny you should bring that up. 1175 01:27:46,301 --> 01:27:48,650 'Cause I'm not sure that you have the right to be here. 1176 01:27:48,651 --> 01:27:52,550 What have we got here? Oh my God, it's a police report! 1177 01:27:52,551 --> 01:27:54,649 - What's all this about? - Let's see! 1178 01:27:54,650 --> 01:27:57,750 Paul Barrish, married May 1993 to Beverly Barrish, 1179 01:27:57,751 --> 01:28:00,350 a.k.a. Beverly Burns. Richard, how could Beverly 1180 01:28:00,351 --> 01:28:02,950 be married to Paul and my dad at the same time? 1181 01:28:02,951 --> 01:28:04,850 - Interesting. - Yes. Provocative. 1182 01:28:06,350 --> 01:28:09,150 Well, I think it means that your marriage to my dad was never legal. 1183 01:28:09,151 --> 01:28:11,549 Which also means that Beverly's shares still belong to Tommy. 1184 01:28:11,550 --> 01:28:14,450 - Isn't that right, Mr. Rittenhauer? - Yes. I believe that's right. 1185 01:28:14,451 --> 01:28:16,150 - Mr. Railly? - I'd say that's right. 1186 01:28:16,151 --> 01:28:17,550 - Mr. Gilmore? - Oh, absolutely. 1187 01:28:18,850 --> 01:28:23,350 And let me guess, you're not going to be selling me the company now, are you Tommy boy? 1188 01:28:23,351 --> 01:28:25,049 No sir. 1189 01:28:25,050 --> 01:28:27,350 Ray, I have no idea what they're talking about. 1190 01:28:27,351 --> 01:28:30,450 That's it! You're not gonna take this. 1191 01:28:30,451 --> 01:28:32,249 It's not over yet, Lee Harvey. 1192 01:28:32,250 --> 01:28:36,250 Let's see. Warrants outstanding! New Mexico: mail fraud. 1193 01:28:36,251 --> 01:28:37,949 Colorado: wire fraud. 1194 01:28:37,950 --> 01:28:41,450 And coming soon to Ohio: computer fraud. 1195 01:28:45,450 --> 01:28:46,849 Get him! 1196 01:28:46,850 --> 01:28:48,750 Don't let him leave the complex, Marty! 1197 01:28:53,050 --> 01:28:55,100 Hey, you forgot your wife! 1198 01:28:55,101 --> 01:28:57,150 Screw you! Screw all of you! 1199 01:28:57,550 --> 01:29:01,150 Crash Test in Progress. 1200 01:29:02,650 --> 01:29:04,049 Not good. 1201 01:29:04,050 --> 01:29:05,350 Hit the brakes! 1202 01:29:19,250 --> 01:29:21,200 That will ruin his weekend. 1203 01:29:21,201 --> 01:29:23,149 Well kid, you threw one by me. 1204 01:29:23,150 --> 01:29:25,750 Savour the flavour, cause it sure as hell won't happen again. 1205 01:29:25,751 --> 01:29:28,450 - In the meantime, good luck to you. - Thank you sir. 1206 01:29:28,451 --> 01:29:31,149 Marty, cut a check to Callahan Auto for those brake pads! 1207 01:29:31,150 --> 01:29:34,650 And you, with all this excitement around here, I kinda' got a little hungry. 1208 01:29:34,651 --> 01:29:37,150 Wanna step over to my club and have something to eat? 1209 01:29:41,650 --> 01:29:43,949 - Thank you. I'd like that. - Good. 1210 01:29:43,950 --> 01:29:45,749 Marty, find out where the police will be taking him! 1211 01:29:45,750 --> 01:29:48,250 send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. 1212 01:29:48,251 --> 01:29:50,149 Have it say: "Tough break, get drunk on me... 1213 01:29:50,150 --> 01:29:53,700 use the bucket to ice down your marbles, yours Z." 1214 01:29:53,701 --> 01:29:57,250 Well, Mr. Callahan, looks like we're back in business. 1215 01:29:57,251 --> 01:29:58,649 Yes sir, Mr. Rittenhauer. 1216 01:29:58,650 --> 01:30:01,250 - That's great, Tommy! - Thanks. 1217 01:30:02,150 --> 01:30:04,250 Way to go, Tommy Callahan! 1218 01:30:10,550 --> 01:30:14,350 - That was pathetic. - Shut up, Richard! 1219 01:30:17,250 --> 01:30:19,449 It's a very proud day for me. 1220 01:30:19,450 --> 01:30:24,150 I want to introduce you to the new president of "Callahan Auto", 1221 01:30:24,151 --> 01:30:26,350 Tom Callahan Junior. 1222 01:30:32,950 --> 01:30:35,050 Tommy, will you say something! 1223 01:30:40,550 --> 01:30:43,950 Ever since I was a kid, you people have been like a family to me. 1224 01:30:45,850 --> 01:30:48,549 Louis, we built our first fort together. 1225 01:30:48,550 --> 01:30:52,350 And Danny, remember when we used to burn ants with a magnifying glass? 1226 01:30:54,550 --> 01:30:58,550 R.T., I lost my virginity to your daughter, for crying out loud! 1227 01:31:00,850 --> 01:31:02,450 Rob, you were there. 1228 01:31:05,250 --> 01:31:08,250 Anyway, I just want you to know that as long as I'm around, I'm gonna 1229 01:31:08,251 --> 01:31:10,349 bust my butt and make sure that 1230 01:31:10,350 --> 01:31:13,950 every last one of you always has a job, right here at "Callahan". 1231 01:31:42,150 --> 01:31:45,250 Dad, got a little problem here. 1232 01:31:45,251 --> 01:31:48,350 I've been stuck here for an hour with no wind again. 1233 01:31:48,351 --> 01:31:49,950 I'm supposed to be at Michelles' for dinner. 1234 01:31:51,250 --> 01:31:54,150 So if you could give me a little help, I'd appreciate it. 1235 01:31:54,151 --> 01:31:56,150 If not, don't worry about it. 1236 01:31:59,450 --> 01:32:01,350 I'm trying to do everything I think you'd be doing, 1237 01:32:01,351 --> 01:32:03,849 and so far it's going pretty good. 1238 01:32:03,850 --> 01:32:07,450 I just wanna tell you that... I still love you and 1239 01:32:08,750 --> 01:32:10,950 I sure miss you a lot. 1240 01:32:27,450 --> 01:32:30,150 Hey, thanks dad! 1241 01:32:30,850 --> 01:32:34,050 Son of a...! That's gonna leave a mark! 1242 01:32:37,250 --> 01:32:41,350 The End.